Building Relationships

Our sons dressed for the ceremony (just off the porch)

One of our goals here is not only to live in community but to be part of the community.  That is easier said than done.  We are different.  No matter how well we speak the language, eat their foods, wear their dress, we are still different.  The only way to really become part of the community is to build relationships and the only way to do that is to spend time with people.  But they have to be willing to spend time with us.  And we have to be willing to spend time with them.  This is again, easier said than done.

Our youngest in the midst of one of the mens' ceremony

This week, Ma Riziki, our neighbor across the street, has been busy.  Her son is getting married, and as you know if you read our blogs, marriages here are a big deal.  The thing is, Ma Riziki’s family does not have much.  To pull off a big wedding like this is a BIG deal, and it requires a lot of help.  So we’ve been doing our best to do our part.  But what can we do?  We can’t really help with the preparations.  We’d just get in the way. Thankfully, Ma Riziki is not afraid to ask (or tell us) what is needed.  It basically boiled down to three things: our plastic chairs, our camera, and our presence.  The chairs were no big deal, but being amateur photographers/videographers is asking a lot.  Our presence at every event from beginning to end also means a real commitment of our time--not so easy when we also have houses to find and classes to teach and three small children to care for, but somehow we’ve managed to participate.  (We still have a couple ceremonies left, but we’ve managed to survive through the bulk of it.)

Tom, our baby & friend observing wedding meal prep

The encouraging thing is we’ve seen small changes taking place.  They are more comfortable coming in our house and vice versa.  The kids are becoming more comfortable around their kids too.  Yesterday they stopped by with  some gifts for us.  An assortment of wedding foods, a traditional dress for Megan and a traditional hat for Tom.  Giving gifts is a sure sign of deepening relationship.  The size of the gift reflects the commitment involved.  The dress and the hat are sizable gifts--especially for a family of little means.  It’s another encouraging sign that we are making our way in this relationship.

So far this relationship with Ma Riziki has been defined mostly by actions rather than words.  Sharing our time rather than our thoughts.  But we were reminded this week that these things take time.   Another friend, Sterehi, came by yesterday. He’s another one we’ve been sharing life with, building the relationship a little at a time.  In the course of conversation we learned that his daughter is sick.  (It sounds like she might have mumps--not sure.)  Tom asked if he could pray for her and Sterehi accepted.  After a short prayer for her healing, Sterehi looked affected and he said, “In my whole life, no one has ever prayed for my family like that.”  Tom had a chance to share that our Father loves to give us good gifts and that we need only ask.  And so we continue to ask our Father for more opportunities like this.  To share our lives with the people around us.

The kids with some friends on the street

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for deepening relationships and greater acceptance in our community.  We are happy to see things going so well with our English classes.  We’re also happy to be checking things off of our to-do list, even if it still seems like a long way to go.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for Sterehi’s daughter to be completely healed and for him to understand where healing comes from.  Pray for Ma Riziki and her family and for opportunities to accompany our deeds with words.  Pray for our house hunt.  This past week we thought we were close to finding the last two houses only to have one house fall through and for us to start to question the other house.  This house still seems like a good choice, but the landlord is being troublesome enough to make us question the whole endeavor.  Pray for wisdom as to how to proceed.  And please lift up our teammates.  This is the final month for them in terms of raising the support they need to come.  If they do not have their needs fulfilled by the end of this month they will not be able to join us.  We still hope and expect all things to work out!

Tripping Over Bitter Roots

Tom w/ Groom at recent wedding

I think it all started with that trip to visit Hanyo.  (If you want to refresh your memory, I wrote about it awhile back: http://www.tmislands2013to2016
.blogspot.com/2013/06/comparing-two-visits.html.) As much as I might have tried, it left a bitter taste in my mouth, and though maybe I didn’t intend it, a bitter root started to grow.  Hanyo stayed away for a while after that visit.  The next time he came by, he ended up talking to someone who was staying with us for most of the visit so I didn’t have “to deal with him”.  Which was fine with me.  The truth was, I didn’t really want to have to deal with Hanyo again for a long time, but in my heart I had forgiven him, right?

About a month went by and I ran into another man I know, someone akin to Hanyo in his way of living and speaking.  He came up to me on the street and said, “I haven’t seen you in a while.” Which was true. “The holiday is coming and I need to buy things for my children.  I’m thinking about 30€ for each.  How many do you want to pay for?”  I couldn’t even look at him.  I felt anger welling up within me.  “None.”  I replied.  “You have a job.  It’s not my job to look after your children it’s yours.”  The conversation continued for a bit.  I felt myself becoming more and more bitter.  “Some friends visit just to visit.  Some ‘friends’ visit only when they want something.”  I said.  Then I stalked off, feeling bitter but in the right.

Our youngest about to have his first haircut

A few weeks later we headed to the beach for our day off.  It had been a number of weeks since we’d been to the beach and I was looking forward to a nice swim.  The beach looked deserted!  We’re going to have it all to ourselves.  This is going to be great!  Just as we step onto the sand a man steps out of the shadows.  “You have to pay to use the beach,”  he says.  “No, we don’t,” I spit out.  “That’s a lie.”  We set off across the beach to set up our stuff, but the man keeps following us.  Arguing that we should pay him to use the beach.  “You are really bothering us,”  I say. “Go away.”  But he doesn’t go away.  Instead he starts a big trash fire right behind our stuff.  I took our stuff and moved to another part of the beach.  Now I’m really angry.  This jerk has ruined our beach time and still won’t leave us alone.  “Show me your papers, your ID, and then I’ll pay you.” I say,  “If not go away.”  At this point the guy got angry too.  And starts coming towards me like he wants to fight. 

Thankfully, some things happened to diffuse the situation.  Megan saw what was happening and joined in the conversation with a lot less anger and more patience which seemed to have an immediate effect on the guy.  Then a man who lives above the beach came down to complain about the trash fire sending noxious smoke up into his house.  This man explained to the guy bothering us that we lived in the neighborhood and that he should leave us alone.  I was thankful that the Father had stepped into a situation I had made a mess of.  But it started to strike me just what was going on in my heart.  I had become bitter towards a certain kind of person--all the Hanyos of the world--and it was damaging me.  With Megan’s encouragement, as we left the beach I apologized to the beach guy for becoming angry.  He accepted, but offered no apology in return.

Our daughter about to go to a celebration with friends

Over the next few days I was struck by just how bitter I had become.  Where was my love for Hanyo and the like?  It had shriveled up and died.  I needed help.  I needed a change of heart.  So I asked for it.

Hanyo came by a week or two ago.  I felt the annoyance bubble up as he began to say the same old things.  But then I remembered, I didn’t have to feel that way.  Even if he was like this, I could still love him.  I started to think about his good qualities, and how I could encourage him.  It ended up being a long conversation.   We looked at the book together.  I even shared some things--hard things--that I had wanted to share with him since that visit, but now it was different.  I wasn’t saying these things out of anger or annoyance, but out of a real desire to help him and love him.  I felt the bitterness dying away and a new compassion welling up like water in my heart.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We’ve found a 3rd house! The landlord is very accommodating and friendly and the house is basically ready to go.  We’ve found ways around the government ban of skype and had some opportunities to talk with our teammates over the internet, which has been great and mutually encouraging.  We’ve learned that amidst protests, the government-run telecommunications company is rethinking their ban of internet calling.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray as we continue to look for the last two houses-- it seems like these last two will be trickier to find/decide on.  Pray for our teammates as they continue to strengthen their home support groups.  We have created a big to-do list of things we want to accomplish before we take some vacation time next month-- pray that we are able to be productive while not being stressed and while keeping our priorities in the right places. There has been some divisive public speeches given by the former and current island presidents--pray for current national stability to continue.

10 Years

10 years ago

Yesterday marked our ten year wedding anniversary.  Since August 16th, 2003, we have been bound together.  By His grace we have walked this road of marriage as best friends, as lovers, and as a team--challenging one another to greater heights and encouraging one another in tough times.  

We took some time yesterday to reflect on the last ten years and remember just how much we have to be thankful for.

We’ve lived on 3 different continents, in 4 countries, and in 7 different homes. We’ve been to 15 countries. We’ve swum in three oceans. We’ve eaten many strange things and had many tropical tummy bugs. We’ve read many books to each other. We’ve played many board games, answered many Trivial pursuit cards and discussed many ‘Would you rather?’s. We’ve tossed many frisbees. We’ve taken many walks. We’ve sung many songs and we’ve listened to many of each other’s stories. We’ve had three wonderful, healthy and beautiful kids. It has been a full and blessed 10 years with ONE faithful, good and loving God carrying us through it all. We really do feel blessed to have been given each other to walk this road with, it has been all the easier, nicer and more wonderful by doing it together.

Our two older kids at a BD party

Since our adventures to Africa began soon after we were married, many of you have been following us for nearly that long. Thank you for your prayers for our marriage and family. We are so thankful for all of you who have followed our progress, prayed for us, helped us, visited with us (there and here!) and generally blessed us in so many ways. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
While not able to really “get-away” we did have some quiet time together on our anniversary to reminisce and thank God for the past ten years together. English classes have started well. Our classes are packed and we’ve been diving right in. We have two house contracts signed and found another good possibility this week. We’ve been going to lots of cultural events (mainly weddings!) which help us strengthen our relationships with our island friends.

Tom with an island bride & groom today

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Life is very busy, especially for the next month while wedding season continues. Pray that we would be able to do everything we need to do well-- in particular, there is our English teaching, preparing the houses for our teammates and making all the logistical arrangements for their arrival. We’ve been invited to lots of weddings- pray that we make good decisions about how to spend our time and that we have the courage and culturally appropriate words to say “no” if that is the best decision. Continue to pray that Megan’s back keeps healing.

Our BIG FAT Island Holiday

Megan & kids in traditional dress for the holiday

Yesterday was a special day not only because it was our youngest's 1st birthday, but because it was a very big holiday on the islands.  You may not have realized it, but yesterday was the biggest holiday of the year for islanders and many people around the world.  The month of fasting has come to an end and it’s time to celebrate!  We ended up putting in an epic day.  We thought you might want to hear about it:

It began early in the morning.  As soon as the morning prayers  are completed (around 7:30) the visiting begins.  Everybody dresses in their best and the men and kids go out to greet anyone and everyone.  The women remain at home and greet the men and kids with candy, sodas, juice, cakes, cookies, samosas and other things they’ve stayed up late baking.  When Tom and the kids went off visiting, they soon ran into our good friend, Sterehi who wanted them to go with him.  Many island men make the rounds with their good friends. 

Ready to hit the town with Dad

So before we knew it we were in a taxi and off to Sterehi’s neighborhood to visit all his friends and family.  He lives in the old town and this meant wandering the narrow streets and walking up and down lots of steep, narrow, and uneven stairs to houses built above the shops on the street level.   By 10:30 we were wiped out.  The kids had been stuffed with cookies and candy and my arms were tired from carrying our youngest everywhere.  Sterehi was ready to continue and take a taxi to another set of relatives but I declined.  We came back home, visited a few more neighbors, and then happily took a breather.  But the day (especially for Megan) was just getting started…

The holiday itself is a big deal, but it also means that now islanders could restart other types of festivities that aren’t appropriate during the month of fasting--namely weddings and birthday parties. So right after midday prayers we caught a taxi to another town and in no time Tom and the boys joined a throng of men headed towards the bride’s house while our daughter and I waited the women’s turn. After almost an hour each of being squished into a hot room with lots of people (2 hours total), we were ready to go home.

Visiting the neighbors

At 3pm we made it back for something to eat (I guess it was lunch) and hopefully some rest, but just as we were going inside our neighbor, Ma Riziki, said to me, “Okay, we’ll leave for our wedding now then.” I had been invited to this second wedding the day before and had told Ma Riziki I was already going to a wedding, little did I know my attendance was necessary so they had postponed.


The two weddings couldn’t have been more different. The first one was a big house overflowing with people-- loud, live music, lots of dancing, laughing and talking. The second wedding was just five of us arriving at a small house. I was actually convinced that we had missed the wedding and that we were just paying respects. Everyone was very quiet and reserved. They chanted the customary prayers and blessings. My friend had told me to bring my camera and motioned for me to take pictures, so I did. It wasn’t until we went into the back room to visit the bride and groom that I realized that this was it, this was the wedding. A patched-up wedding of a young man and a pregnant bride and I was the photographer! As we left the wedding with our flower garlands on, the neighbors started asking where we were coming from and it was obvious that this wedding had not been publicized and that they considered it a juicy piece of gossip.

Ma Riziki with son & bride at 2nd wedding

Getting back to the house after 5pm, there was still more in store for us.  I could already hear the birthday party’s (not our son's) blaring music from across the street. We had received this invitation weeks ago. So after a little bit of rest, I wrapped up the birthday present and walked over with our older two kids. The small room was packed with children of all ages and the music was blaring through huge speakers. Immediately tons of kids tried to pull our daughter and son into the crowd by their arms or else just touch their hair. Our kids instantly clung tightly to me in defense. We made our way to the balcony door where it wasn’t so stifling. Our daughter wanted to dance but was too scared/overwhelmed/shy. Our son was tired and wanted to go home, but you’re not supposed to leave a birthday party until the cake (which comes after lots of dancing, snacks and then a meal.)  We weren’t going to make it. First I took our 3 year old son home and our daughter & I went home after snacks.  The party continued past 9 o’clock.

Happy baby celebrating his 1st BD

So by 7:30pm we were back with our birthday boy and so thankful that we had decided to celebrate his birthday the day before. Happy birthday our little boy! and Happy holiday!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had a nice time celebrating our youngest's birthday on Thursday-- we are very thankful that he is healthy and happy. He also is over the latest bout of teething. Our crazy holiday went well. We’ve seen some improvement in Megan’s back.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We are beginning English classes on Monday. Pray that they get going on the right foot and that we are able to maintain a good balance with these additional work commitments. Continue to pray for the house hunt--- discernment in our choices and good favor with possible landlords. Continue to pray for our team members as they prepare to come join us.

Daudu

Our Daudu with the neighbors

I don’t know when it happened but a some point in this month of fasting, our youngest became the most popular member of the family, or more correctly I should say Daudu (what local islanders call him).

“Daudu! Daudu!” comes the singsong call to the door.
I come to the door to find one of the neighbor women. “Is Daudu up yet?”
Our youngest crawls up behind me and I pick him up.
Our neighbor holds out her hands and says, “Come.”
He goes willingly and quickly points to the street, seemingly directing his friend where to carry him. Then off goes my baby boy.

There are a number of reasons why our neighbors like our son.
One, he’s a cute baby. Who doesn’t like cute babies?
Two, he goes to them willingly and doesn’t cry. They sometimes try to coax either of our older kids to go with them, but usually they refuse to go without us (an instinct we don’t want to completely discourage). Our youngest however needs no coaxing.
Three, some like to show off the fact they are carrying around a white baby.
Four, he has an “island” name that they can remember and pronounce easily (our older kids' names don’t roll off an islander’s tongue as well). 

David with the neighbors

It is actually nice for my back and for my morning chores to have someone else watching our baby, but when the chores are done and his morning nap time approaches I go out to check. Now usually he is just on the street with the women who sit around, but I don’t see him right away. “Where’s Daudu?” I ask. “Oh, he went out,” says the woman who originally took him, as she gestures down the street. I look down the street but see no one. I’m not really worried, but it is weird not know where or exactly with whom my baby is. They are not going to do something dangerous with our baby. If anything they tend to baby him more than we would. Maybe they’ll feed him something strange or too sugary, but that’s probably it. If he starts crying or has a dirty diaper, they’ll bring him back to me.

What can I do? My older kids call for me, so I go. In a little bit I hear, “Ma Daudu!” from the street. “He’s back,” they tell me. I go down and our youngest quickly reaches out for my arms. I make some small talk, thank them and head into the house to put him down for his nap.

Beautiful sunset from our roof

Sometimes it feels like a test…"Are you one of us? Do you trust us with your baby?” Am I just a foreigner living nearby or am I part of this community? They seem to half expect me to clutch my baby to my chest and refuse, proving myself a complete stranger. It is in these moments that I realize that we are in this work as a family, and when our youngest jumps happily into our neighbor’s arms, he’s sending a message for the whole family, a message that we are happy to be a part of this community.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are very thankful to have such a loveable little boy. Our youngest turns one on Friday, August 9th! The month of fasting ends this week. We’ve been surprised how quickly it has passed and how easy it has been (usually it is a long, hard month). We killed the rat that was menacing our kitchen!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our youngest has been teething and pretty miserable the past couple days. Pray that he (and we) will be able to sleep well. One of the houses that we thought was a winner, ended up not being an option. Pray for endurance as we continue with the house hunt that our decisions would be easy and that we would be directed to the right houses. Pray for the end of this fasting month and that we would respond well when we have opportunities to share. Pray especially for the big holiday (that should be on the 8th) as we will have a chance to interact with all our friends, neighbors and connections. Pray that it goes well and that we make the most of the holiday to reach out to everyone. Continue to pray for Megan’s back- we continue to wait for complete healing.