Why Move?

Tom on finding our house 3 yrs ago

I was sitting on a front stoop looking at the house across the way that was currently sitting in the sun. I was imagining living there. The kids were playing on a rubble pile with a couple neighborhood kids. A lady was cutting up fruit behind me and offering me a constant stream of information and ideas. We were waiting for the owner of the house across the street to come and show us the house. I finally called the house owner, she gave some vague excuses about waiting for a car. So we waited some more. In the meantime, I had heard about the fruit-cutting lady’s personal life story, her living situation, the situation of her sibling and general information about the neighborhood. She was very excited about the idea of having us as neighbors, though she warned us that the owner might try to charge us too much. She ended up showing us around her own house and had us walk around the outside of the house above her that belongs to her sibling. After almost an hour, I decided to take the kids home. We hadn’t seen the house we wanted to, but it had been a thought-provoking trip nonetheless.

We’ve begun house hunting again, but we’re still not sure that we will move— it all depends on if we can find a house that is better than our current one. Here are the factors that most weigh on us…

Our boys playing in kids (messy) room

Noise— this might be our biggest reason for wanting to move. We live in a noisy house. We are in a central location (great for events and spontaneous gatherings). There’s always noise. There’s the roosters, the cat fights, the call to prayer blared from next door, the weddings, the political events, the fighting neighbors, the mass of kids, crowds worked up over the latest controversy or piece of gossip. We’re surrounded by lots of people. At team meetings we often had to raise our voices in order to hear each other. A crowd of shouting people will be gathered by our doorstep and we don’t bat an eye anymore. It’s normal. So the question lingers…what if we lived on a street that was a little quieter?

Landlady— most island houses are owned by women (it is a matrilineal society). Our current landlady is generally nice enough, but she has been a little stingy and hard-to-deal with about problems with the house and questions of money. We’ve had to deal with lots of landlords with our team’s houses, so we know she’s been difficult.  What if we had a landlady who was easier to work with?

Size— Our current house feels big. It only has three bedrooms and our three kids share 1 room, but all the rooms and the layout feel big. Because of the layout and the noise, it is hard to hear someone calling out in another part of the house (which is a liability in a culture where you keep the front door open when you are home). What if we lived a house that felt a little smaller?

Neighbors- We have lots of neighbors. We have made lots of relationships. When we go outside, a crowd of kids call out our name and ask to play on our porch. But when we try to have serious conversations with our neighbors, they tend to glaze over. There hasn’t been much interest to go deep (people from further away show interest, but our immediate neighbors don’t). What if we lived in a place where our immediate neighbors showed interest in talking to us about deeper things?  Moving could also bring about more conversations with old neighbors as now we would be “coming to visit” rather than just crossing the street.

Cool— This is one area where our current house can’t be beat. We live in a cool house (as in not hot). It makes it kind of cave-ish— but we don’t mind. Better dark than hot. It’s true that the building next door has been built up so we don’t get the same breezes we used to, but still we don’t complain. What if we move and the new house is really hot?

Water/Electricity— Water and electricity is a problem all over the islands— we all have daily cuts. But some places have it worse than others. We have it pretty good— we can count on having both water and electricity for at least a little bit every day.  What if we moved to a house and they ended up having multiple day outages of water or electricity?

We trust that if we are supposed to move that God will make it clear.

Let the packing begin

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful that God placed us here for these past 3.5 years. Even if we end up moving, it has been a great season of living in this community. Friends have been good about telling us about housing possibilities in the neighborhood. We’ve started packing up our stuff for storage (we still have over a month, but we’re realizing that it will be quite a job)— our neighborhood shop-owners have been very helpful finding us boxes.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’re getting housing leads but haven’t found much time to actually visit and see houses. Pray we’d find or make the time. Megan and our youngest leave tomorrow— it will take them two days to arrive at the place where he will have surgery. His surgery is scheduled for Thursday. Pray for our family as we are split in two for the coming week and a half (Tom will stay on the islands with the older two). Pray for our son (3.5 yrs) that he would be brave at the hospital, that the surgery would go smoothly and that there would be no complications. It is just another week before the month of fasting begins— start praying now for this special time of opportunity and increased scrutiny for us and our friends on the islands.

A Parable

Our island's pretty side

There once was a woman who lived in a far away place.  In this place where she lived everyone ate the same thing: mush.  There were fruits and vegetables, animals and fish, but the people did not eat them.  The people ate mush.  Mush is what the people ate and so the woman ate this mush as well, but even from the time she was a little girl she longed for something more.  The mush did not satisfy.  It kept people alive, but it seemed to the woman like everyone was always hungry, longing for more, but no one would admit it.  Some would claim the mush was the greatest food one could eat and they would spend hours, years, a lifetime learning how to prepare the most perfect mush.  Others did not relish the mush so much, but if you asked them they would say, “We are mush eaters.  We have always been mush-eaters.  Our ancestors were mush-eaters and so are we.”

But like most places in the world, their isolation was not complete and so they often met other peoples—people who ate strange foods like vegetables, fruit, meat and fish.  These people were generally accepted even if their eating habits were seen as strange.

Now it came to pass that the woman traveled to a distant land where she experienced some different foods.  She did not know what to make of them.  They were strange.  Sometimes delicious and sometimes revolting.  When she returned home she went back to eating mush.  Then one day she met a traveler who told her about something called “health”.  The traveler explained that the woman could have complete health, in body and spirit if she would only change her diet.  The woman thought a long time about it.  Finally she began to pursue this new diet.  Soon she found herself full of life and energy.  She felt full and nourished.  She felt like a new person.  It was so exhilarating!  She had to tell everyone about it.  She had found a new diet and a new life!  She began with her family.

Some were excited.  Many noticed the difference in her life—the new energy, the new strength, the new vitality.  But others were suspicious.  One especially, in her family, an aunt had devoted her life to mush making.  She took it very seriously and she was appalled at the woman’s new diet.  She called the family together and as a group they confronted her.  The woman’s mother spoke to her, “My daughter, why have you changed your diet?  We are mush eaters.  We have always been mush eaters.  Our ancestors were mush-eaters and so are we.  If you had married a meat-eater, or a vegetarian, then maybe we could understand.  It is only natural that you would learn to eat as your husband eats, but you are not.  Your husband is a mush eater like all of us.  This cannot go on.  You are bringing shame to the family.  Now we command you to tell us plainly.  Are you a vegetarian?”  They demanded in order to trap her.  To admit to being a vegetarian would be anathema.  It would mean swift and immediate condemnation.

The woman answered them truthfully.  “I am not a vegetarian,” she said. “I have learned about good health and a complete diet.  Don’t you remember how I used to be?  Don’t you remember how tired I was, how I lacked strength and energy.”  And she went on to remind them of the change that had taken place in her life.  The family was confused.  She sounded like a vegetarian, and yet not.  She was clearly different, and most of the differences were very good.  But what about the mush?  The family began to debate what to do, but they could come to no conclusion, and so they gave up and dispersed.

The tomato plant is starting to fruit!

The following weeks were not easy for the woman.  Many of her family members stopped visiting her.  They were distancing themselves from her and the shunning was quite painful.  Her husband came to her and said, “My darling, you know I love you and I love how you have changed because of the new diet.  I believe that people should be allowed to eat whatever they want, but for the sake of your family, go and tell your mother that you’re a mush-eater.  Then everyone will leave you alone.”  But the woman refused.  “I am not a vegetarian, but I am no longer a mush-eater,” she told him.  “I will never go back to mush eating.  In fact, I wish that my whole family, including you, my husband, would eat a complete diet like me.”  The husband went away confused.

The woman went to see her mother and explained to her about the complete diet.  The mother seemed to understand.  She even apologized for the way the family had treated her on that fateful day when they tried to trap her.  But still the mother would not come to her house.  She was ashamed of her daughter and ashamed of her own actions, for she was not brave enough to stand up to the family or give up mush-eating herself.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The islands finally have a president and our island finally has a governor— the election process was long and drawn out but now it is finally settled and the official results were generally celebrated by the population. From what we have heard, it has been peaceful.
We’ve been able to secure plane tickets and accommodations for Megan and our youngest for his surgery, only a few more logistics to figure out.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve heard that the worker that had to suddenly leave the island has cancer— last we heard they were still trying to determine where it originated from in her body. Continue to hold them in your prayers. Continue to pray for our island friends as they stand for the things that they believe in. Our youngest is scheduled to have surgery on June 1st, pray that he stays healthy in the meantime (there have been different bugs going around). We’re looking around for another house (for when we return to the islands next year)— pray that we could be led to just the right house, neighbors, landlord. Megan and Tom have both had new opportunities to start studying with islanders regularly— pray for our final weeks before traveling, that we would use our time well.

Adenoid Problem

Our youngest (3.5 years old)

Our youngest son has a language problem. He was a quiet baby and was just late with everything from babbling to forming sentences. He hits all the same milestones as other kids, just 6-12 months later than them. To be honest, we weren’t too concerned. For as many people that expressed concern about his language, we had even more people telling us about their kids for whom they had similar concerns that ended up being fine (especially among families raising their kids in Africa). So we were working with him and kept a careful eye to make sure he was still progressing, and he was.

Then someone suggested the idea that he might have a hearing problem. We had never thought of it. But we did some tests— like coming up behind him unaware and whispering his name. I remember helping him get dressed and while he was looking down, I asked in a whisper only a foot from his head, “Do you like ice cream?” Now usually the utterance of “ice cream” would begin a wave of excitement, but he continued to just look down. I said it again and again. Then I raised my voice to a normal speaking volume and his head popped up like a shot, “Ice cream?! I like ice cream. I want ice cream. We gonna have ice cream? Please, oh please.”

We did more tests. His older siblings caught on and started whispering his name at any given moment as their own test. There were some inconsistencies, but it seemed like he didn’t have just a language problem but a language/hearing problem. That one piece of information immediately changed how we viewed the problem. Suddenly there might be something more we could do to help him. His language may not need to be delayed if we could help his hearing. It also changed how we viewed other things— now his refusal to come or his slowness to obey or his not following instructions until we raised our voices could be a hearing issue and not an obedience one (at least not entirely). In a moment, it gave us more patience and made all our interactions with him a little louder!

Just look at those adenoids!

So we knew we needed to check this out, but the problem is that the islands have no specialists, no place to get hearing tested. But God was good and as we passed through the African mainland for our team’s debrief we were able to go to a clinic specializing in hearing. There were 4 different tests they were going to do, but after the second one they stopped. “His tympograms are abnormal, that means he has fluid behind his ear drums. There is no need to do any more tests until the fluid is gone.” They asked us questions about his breathing and congestion. “Is he sick right now? He seems congested. He’s breathing through his mouth.” I looked at my son for a moment and reflected… I knew he wasn’t sick, in fact my reaction was— “Well that’s how he always is.” Suddenly he had a language/hearing/breathing problem. We hadn’t really thought about it. I would have said he gets head colds easy. He snores sometimes. But the mouth breathing is something we’ve taken for granted. He never complains about it and so we didn’t notice it much. Now that we are keyed into it, we notice it all the time.

So after an x-ray and different consultations with various ENT’s, the conclusion is that he needs his adenoids out.  Those crazy adenoids are too big and are wreaking havoc with his breathing, his hearing and subsequently his language development. Once they are gone, the doctors say it is very likely that all three issues will normalize.

Tom and older kids experiment

And we just thought he was a little behind in language…

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We were able to schedule our youngest’s surgery to have his adenoids removed and tubes placed for June 1st! Our island sister was able to have an encouraging sit down talk with just her father, who expressed remorse for bringing a whole delegation to talk to her. Our other son is feeling all better after his fever last week.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us as we arrange the logistics of traveling to Kenya for his surgery (insurance, travel, accommodations). Tom will stay back with our older kids on the islands. The partial revote on the islands happened but still no official results. People are suspicious of corruption and so we wait. Pray for a quick resolution and a peaceful transfer of power.

Engagement Ceremony

We’ve lived on Clove Island for over 3 years and over 2 years before that on Volcano Island, and yet there is still so much to learn.  Some days ago I had just such an experience.  It all started when a friend of mine told me he was getting engaged.  We had a nice conversation about engagements and marriage.  Engagements sometimes last a long time on the islands as people gather enough money to marry.  Marriages often don’t last a long time. So it was a chance to speak some wisdom about what makes a strong marriage.  A few days later he asked if I could come meet his fiancée and he set a time for the meeting.

Now here’s where I have some proof that I have some degree of cultural knowledge.  The fact that he was making a specific rendezvous time was a red flag.  People don’t usually do things like that for just a visit.  So I had an inkling that I might be in store for something a little more than a meet and greet.  I was thinking maybe I was going to meet her family—that would be natural enough.

As the time approached for the rendezvous, I made my second culturally appropriate move.  I put on nicer clothes.  Nicer clothes are a sign of respect and by wearing nice clothes you honor whoever it is you are going to visit.  But, like everywhere, there is the question of “How nice?”  There is always the possibility of being over-dressed.  I put on a nice button down shirt and my “nice” sandals and headed out.  Turns out I was right on with my attire! Nice!

Tom & engaged friend

As I arrive at the house I start to realize that I’m in uncharted waters.  They escort me into a room where his fiancée is sitting on a bed, her back against the headboard and her legs out straight in front of her on the bed.  She is formally dressed and covered by a shawl.  She makes no eye contact or greeting and I am quickly ushered to a chair.  Other men walk in, including my friend and sit down until there are about eight of us, formally sitting in chairs, the “bride” faces away from us on the bed and is completely ignored.  Women stand outside and look through the windows.  Someone is standing in the corner recording it all on video.  At this point I’m wondering what I’m in for.  Clearly this is some kind of formal ceremony.  How long will it go on?  Will I have any responsibilities?

I am introduced to the men.  They are uncles, cousins and fathers of the two fiancés.  Then uncles and fathers makes speeches.  They talk about marriage.  The speeches seem a bit strange to me.  After the normal round of formal thank-you’s, each man seems to give his opinion about marriage.  It’s mostly negative:  “Parents don’t have much say any more.  People choose who they want.  Maybe that’s better because there’s so much cheating and divorce.  Hopefully they’ll be true to one another.”  Is this supposed to be inspiring?  Then they prayed a blessing upon the meeting, I put my hands out palms up and respond with Amen to the parts that I understand and agree with: “God bless them, give them children, give them a good life together, etc.  For parts in Arabic I remain silent.  I don’t think anyone notices either way, but I do.  I say a silent little prayer for them myself while I’m at it.  And then it’s over.  They bring around some sweet coffee and dates.  I get my little bag of goodies (an essential part of all ceremonies).  And before I know it, my friend is ushering me out and thanking me for coming.

“Well that was new and strange,” I thought to myself as I walked home under a starry sky.  There was no electricity so the stars were magnificent (we regularly see the Milky Way here—do you?).  Then I got to thinking.  I missed it.  I bet you anything it would have been right and proper for me to make a speech at that ceremony.  I could have said something truthful and uplifting about marriage.  I could have shared with them what a marriage is really all about.  All sorts of phrases in the island language I could have used started to come to mind.  “How could I say, ‘And the two become one’?” I thought to myself.  A golden opportunity and I missed it.  Instead I was just white man eye candy—invited to add prestige to my friend’s reputation. I’m happy to do this for him, even if it is does feel a little bit ridiculous, but I could have done something more with it.  It just never occurred to me.  I was too busy trying to figure out what was going on and thinking about the bride sitting on the bed and saying nothing.  Well, maybe next time I’ll be able to make the most of the opportunity…

Our big 8 year old

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The following English club our recently engaged friend started a discussion about marriage— so we had that second chance to say all the things we wanted to about marriage! We are thankful for all the mothers in our lives (Happy Mothers’ Day!). We are thankful for our beautiful daughter, who turned 8 years old yesterday! We are so proud of her. We were able to get a second opinion that confirmed the initial conclusions about our youngest hearing issues— we are thankful for our friends and family in the medical world who can help us with good advice at these times. 


PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’re trying to navigate the waters of health insurance as we figure out the best plan for getting our youngest the minor surgery he needs. Pray for us that the choice would be clear and that logistics would come together. The worker with medical issues returned to Europe with her husband— we’re still waiting to hear how serious her condition is and whether they would return to the islands. The election results were not completely announced— it was decided that 14 voting stations on our island have to revote (after their results were annulled). So the governor for our island and the president for all the islands is still undecided and people are still suspicious of corruption and tampering with the electoral process. The revote is supposed to be sometime this week with results being announced immediately— people on the islands are still tense, continue to pray for peace. One of our island sisters has been confronted by a delegation of extended family members and threatened with different forms of ostracization. Pray for her as she seeks to love and also that she could find some time for rest and peace in this stressful situation. Our son just came down with a fever, pray for his quick recovery.