New Neighbor

Asiria enjoying birthday fun

I first saw her a few weeks ago. I was reading and praying on the porch one morning when I saw our landlady heading to her shop followed by a little girl. I had seen the little girl a few days before, but now I realized. She wasn’t just someone’s kid, she was our landlady’s “child servant”. Our landlady used to have a boy that lived with them. He washed dishes and clothes, and took out garbage, among other things. In the end, he ran away, back to his poor family out in the village.

Some poor families try to find places for their children among rich families. The rich families provide for the child (school. food, clothes) and in return they get someone to help around the house. The boy had been 10 or 11 years old, but this little girl is small, only 6 years old. May heart fell at the sight of her. No doubt she’d get food, clothing and education but I seriously doubted she would get any love from our landlady.

On Thursday, we were preparing to celebrate a teammate’s birthday when we heard a scream coming from our landlady’s house. It was a scary scream, it was not an angry cry or a sad whine, it was a scream of terror. I didn’t wait more than a few seconds before I went down our back stairs.

The little girl (who we’ll call Asiria) was in the outdoor bathroom, screaming for her life and pounding on the door. The door was locked from the outside. It was obvious: she had been locked in intentionally. I looked around and saw through the house that our landlady was calmly talking to someone on the street out front. I could have tried to call her but I don’t think she could have heard me over Asiria’s screams. So after only a second’s hesitation, I opened the door. Asiria burst out the door and immediately clung to me.

A second later our landlady was there trying to push Asiria back into the bathroom. Asiria was screaming and struggling. Tom came down and Asiria hugged his leg while we tried to reason with our landlady and understand what was going on.

Our landlady explained that Asiria was being punished for sneaking off and going clear across town by herself. “She could be kidnapped. She’s a little girl. She has to stay around here. I’m not going to hit her, but I am going to put her in there. That’s her punishment.” 

It is true that it could be dangerous for a little girl to go that far away from home unaccompanied, but we also know that she has a grandmother that lives in that part of town. She was trying to go home to her family.  We asked Asiria if she understood that what she had done was dangerous. Our landlady told us that the little girl was “stupid/an idiot” who wouldn’t understand. She spoke to the girl and told her next time she’d put a lock on the outside of the bathroom so we wouldn’t be able to open it for her.

We weren’t getting anywhere so I took a long shot but asked the landlady if Asiria could come up and play at our house. I think our landlady knew we weren’t going to let her lock Asiria back in the dark bathroom and she acted relieved to be rid of her. So we took Asiria to our house. She hung out with the other kids, she played games, she ate dinner, had birthday cake and watched people hit the piñata. She was a normal kid for the rest of the day. The next morning she was by our back gate before breakfast, feeding our youngest son candy between the bars. We let her inside and she was with us until our landlady called for her around lunchtime.

Lost her front tooth!

There isn’t much we can do to change Asiria’s circumstances. Her family has given her to our landlady. They don’t want her back. There is an island group that works to protect children like Asiria but they only intervene when there is physical or sexual abuse or if the child is not being sent to school. From the perspective of most islanders, Asiria is in a good place. She is wearing nice clothes. She’s clean. She’s well fed. But our hearts cry out— she’s only 6 years old! She needs loving parents and the chance to be a little kid.

We’re not sure how Asiria’s story will continue but we plan to be a part of it as long as we can. We hope she will be a regular visitor in our home.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Both of our teammate’s birthday celebration went well. Many islanders came to the women’s event where we celebrated how God has worked in our teammate’s life, sang songs and prayed together. The kids had some days off school for the holiday and they all got to go and greet neighbors for the holiday. Our daughter lost her front tooth (she’s excited about her new smile). 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us as we try to figure out how to be good advocates for Asiria with our landlady. Continue to pray for our pregnant friend with a history of miscarriages. Continue to pray for our team family that is currently back in their home country. Pray for the two men that Tom has been meeting with every week— they only have one more important week to finish all the stories that Tom had planned.

Language Debate

Pictures from an English club (not this past week)

This past Saturday night we had a typical English club crowd. Around 10 people, mostly men, mostly those who speak English well, some of our faithful regulars, some sporadic attendees, a brand new face. The only difference this week was we had a visitor.  A colleague and friend was visiting our island and staying with us for a few days.  Our friend is from Korea, but she has lived in Africa for many years.

With the school year starting, we decided to have a debate about what subjects should be taught in island schools.  The discussion could have gone in any number of ways, but it seemed to be turning into a “butter-up-the-English-teacher hour.”  As each club member made his speech about the importance of teaching and promoting English in the local schools, it was getting pretty boring.  So to spice things up, I told them they were all wrong and that the subject they should be teaching in the schools is the local island language.  Due to a heritage of French colonization the language of education on the islands is French.  Students are never taught their own language.  In fact the island language is not a written language.

Well this spiced things up.  Most of the club members thought this was a crazy idea: 

“What’s the point?  No one speaks it but us.”
    “Our language is such a mixture of other languages, it’s not worth it.”
      “The way they say things here is different than the way they say things in the next town over.”
        “How would you ever figure out a way to standardize it...
            It’s not even the same on the three islands.”
            “English and French are important languages... 
               Learning our language would be a waste of time.”
                 “It's a waste of time.”

Well this made for good discussion.  We argued each point trying to show the value of learning the island language.  “Scientific studies show…”  but we hadn’t really convinced anyone.

As time was winding down, we asked our friend (who had been listening quietly the whole evening) if she had anything to say.  This was her response (as best as I can remember it):

I am from Korea.  We are not a very big country but we are proud of our language.  We too were a former colony like you.  A long time ago we were colonized by the Japanese, and they tried to destroy our language.  But the Korean people would not let them.  Some people even died to protect the Korean language.  I think language is not just words, but it is the heart and spirit of a people.  French and English are good languages, but as long as you depend on these other languages you will not be free.  Your people will not be free, because your language is not free.
The room fell silent and everyone seemed to hear the profundity of these words.  Many of the students said her comments were well said.  One student ended the time by saying, “In my family, we never respect the island language.  Even in my home we speak French.  But now, I think, I have changed my mind.  Our language is important.”

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our team family made it safely back to their home country. We had a good visit with our colleague. We had some stressful plumbing problems (made more stressful by a conflict with our landlady), but thankfully the plumber worked into the night today and it is all fixed!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve been feeling a little worn down lately. Pray for some rest and encouragement. This coming week is a holiday. Pray we’d get opportunities to connect and share with island neighbors and friends over the holiday. One of our teammates is having a birthday gathering where she hopes to sing songs, pray and share about her life with her island friends— pray that it goes well and ends up being a powerful time for all involved. We are trying to finish a grammar book for learning the local language- pray that the final editing process would go well. Pray for an island friend who is pregnant and worried about having a miscarriage— pray that she could carry the baby to term without complications.

Why is it so hard to say, “I’m sorry”?

Part of our neighbors' family

So, we’ve known for a long time that islanders don’t like to apologize.  It’s not something that is done easily in their culture.  In comparison, we Americans say sorry for everything.  “Sorry I’m late.” “I’m sorry for your loss.”  “You didn’t get one?  Sorry!”  But it’s more than just cultural linguistics involved.  Islanders truly don’t like to say they are sorry.

I’ve found there are times when I have apologized for something of a semi-serious nature and instead of accepting my apology my island friends will start to make excuses for me.  As if to say,     “No Tom, you aren’t really sorry.  Really you would have done the right thing if circumstances were different.” 
    “No,” I say, “I blew it.  What I did wasn’t right.  I’m sorry.” 
    “No” they come back, “no, no, no I’m sure it’s someone else’s fault.”
What’s going on here?  Why won’t they accept my apology? 

The answer is shame.  In island eyes admitting wrong means accepting shame, so to apologize is to “see shame” as they say.  So by turning down my apology they are actually trying to honor me.  And right there our worlds clash.  I value reconciliation and truth over honor and shame, but Islanders will hide shame at nearly all cost—certainly over truth.

Strangely enough we had a double dose of this covering shame reaction this week.  The first was when our landlady came to us on Saturday morning.
    “Today is the ceremony for my brother’s death,” she told us.  As is our normal habit we got all the details.  When, where, what time, Megan, Tom or both?  So she told us, “Today at noon.  You should both go.”  So at noon off we both went. Yet when we arrived the house was empty.  We met with the widow who kindly informed us that the ceremony was tomorrow.  So after a short visit we left.  That afternoon I saw our landlady. 
    “You told us today,” I said, in a warm, friendly manner.
    “No I didn’t. I said tomorrow.  Your language really isn’t very good.  Ha ha ha.”
Could I have gotten it wrong?  Could both of us have gotten it wrong?  No—we checked with our house helper who overheard.  she confirmed it.  Our landlady had messed up the day and then denied it.  Better to blame our language skills than to say you’re sorry.

Our older two exploring

Well that was annoying enough, but when it happened again two days later, I was really starting to feel misused.
    “So are you ready to start the course on Monday,” said one of the English class administrators over the phone.
    “You told me we would start in two weeks.”
    “No I didn’t.  You must have misunderstood.”  Meanwhile I’m looking at my calendar and distinctly recalling the conversation about starting on the 21st—in two weeks.  Now should I argue with him?  It doesn’t really matter to me whether we start this week or next week.  Should I hold him over the flames on principle?  Make him admit that he got it wrong?  I could probably make up some excuse why I couldn’t start this week and that we had agreed to start on the 21st—that would teach him…
    “Okay,” I said. “We’ll start Monday.”  Shame covered.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our kids started island school again and the first days back went smoothly. We are particularly thankful that our son (who was nervous) came home excited about his teachers and new class. Thanks for praying. Ndrolo had some good conversations with one of our teammates and has less pain (though she still plans to travel to the French island soon). A colleague from a neighboring island came for a visit to our island. It was good to hear from her and know how we can be praying for the work on our neighbor island.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve met a new sister from another island nation. She has been quickly embraced by the island group. She just learned that her 8 year old son died of cancer in France. Pray that she could find love, support and comfort from her new “family” here. Our team family that is leaving flies out tomorrow. Pray for smooth travels for them with their two little ones. We have a visitor coming this week to get ideas for the team they will be leading soon, pray for a good visit full of mutual encouragement. It has been incredibly windy and dusty lately— pray for some rain to calm down the dust or less wind so the air quality can improve.

Strange People on the Beach

The type of fishing boats used for this boat ride

It was our day off. We were going to go to the beach!  We arrived at the beach in the late morning.  No one was in the water. We weren’t surprised.  Islanders only tend to go to the beach around sunset. But as we approached the beach we noticed that in the few shady places at the edge of the sand, there were several adults standing and sitting. At first we didn’t think much of it. We started to enjoy the sand, tide pools and water. As time passed, it dawned on me what a strange group it was.   Some were old. Some were young. Some were well dressed. Many of them carried backpacks or big shopping bags tied shut. What are they doing down here in the middle of the day?

Then two boats came. The people still stayed in the shade. An important looking man barked orders to the men driving the boats as they looked over the motors. Then the people came into the sunlight toward the boats. Now we had no doubt what we were witnessing, this was the kwasa kwasa, the illegal traffic of islanders to the neighboring French island. This isn’t the normal side of the island they usually leave from but they seem to be mixing it up more and more to avoid detection.

The first boat headed out with just a few women and some kids. They sat on the actual benches of the boats. “They must have paid a lot of money to travel in a boat that isn’t packed,” I thought. The second boat was a different story. Everyone was crouching on the floor of the boat. From the edge of the beach they carried a frail man that I hadn’t seen before. Another person followed holding up the man’s IV. They placed him on the floor of the boat with a pillow.  After some rearranging and discussion, the boat departed, the floor of the boat filled with around 15 people. 

Our kids

Perhaps they wouldn’t be able to get a visa or perhaps the official process would take too long, but many islanders choose to go to the French island illegally (even if it does sometimes cost more than triple the cost of a plane ticket).  They risk capture, capsizing, getting lost at sea, and some even say sharks, but still they do it.  People take this dangerous boat ride for a variety of reasons.   Some go hoping to find a better life, but another major reason is medical.The hospital on the neighboring island cannot turn them away and the care is free.  So they go, seek out treatment and eventually come back home to our island.

Our neighbor across the street hurt her shoulder. She has been told that she needs to go to the French island or else her shoulder will not heal correctly and she won’t be able to work with that arm. She is trying to go the legal way. But she has no papers. First she has to pay and get her identity card, then she has to pay to get a passport, then she has to try to get permission to go from the French consul,then after all that she has to pay for the plane ticket. Her family is not wealthy. They are trying but I don’t know if they will be able to afford it all. Even if they get the funds together, she might be rejected entry by the consul. Still she is trying to go the “right” way.

Another friend just told us that her wife is going to be traveling to the French island by kwasa kwasa. She’s had several miscarriages and it seems she is hoping the French medical system will be able to help her. They are nervous. He assured us that she will be going in a boat with just a few people (overloaded boats capsize more easily) and that she will be wearing a lifejacket (almost no one usually does). They want our prayers.

Resting during a walk along the coast

We do pray. We pray that no more boats would go down that there would be no more deaths from capsizing. We pray that our island friends would be able to get good medical care here on their own island and that they would feel like they have a bright future here. We pray that the political situation could stabilize and somehow they could find a solution to these immigration problems.  We pray, but the situation continues and the dangerous journeys go on.

PRAYERS ANSWERED

We are thankful for the group of brothers and sisters that continues to meet and grow.  Some of the new members are thinking about taking a swim :) Our time of concentrated language study went well— we’re close to finishing a first edition of our grammar book in the local language. One of our team families had been praying for guidance for the future— we’re thankful that their next step after this team is starting to take shape.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for our friends, Mhodari and Ndrolo we told you about above.  Ndrolo will be taking the kwasa-kwasa in the coming days.   One of the families on our team needs to leave us for a period of some months for an unexpected leave.  We will miss them a lot.  Pray that their time away will be restful and healing and for the details of their travel as this has been unexpected.  English classes are getting rolling again.  Pray that they would go well and offer many opportunities to love, teach and help islanders to grow.  The kids are starting school this week and our elder son is pretty nervous about it.  Pray that he would like his class and his classmates and that his teacher would be kind.  Pray that he would be brave and go to school without too much drama/trauma.