Time

Fall is here and starting to feel cold to us!

I have a watch now. At some point I lost my watch on the islands and never replaced it. There were still clocks around so I wasn’t completely timeless. But generally I have only had a general sense of the time. So it has been at least a couple years since I’ve had a watch and as soon as I strapped it on my wrist I felt this change. This responsibility. This transition back to the Western time-oriented society.

One of the first lessons of living in Africa is that African cultures tend to not be time-oriented like Western cultures. Events don’t have start and end times. They start when they start and they end when they end. It means it is hard to predict how long things will take. Eventually I started to plan on only getting one thing done each morning and one thing done each afternoon— rather than putting my hopes in finishing a long to-do list each day. Sometimes I got lots of stuff done, but when it didn’t work out that way I wasn’t disappointed or frustrated like I had been at the beginning.

But I was still frustrated sometimes with what felt like wasted time. Mainly this happened when I showed up to an event (at what I thought was the correct time) only to sit there for up to an hour or more before it got started. Then I got it into my head that islanders just start everything late. So I would just go late to things. Sometimes this worked great. I was right on time! But other times I’d arrive and the event would already be ending or even over.

I didn’t understand it. “Events start when they start.” But often they would give an exact start time for the beginning— which was sometimes accurate and sometimes completely off. How did islanders know when to arrive? 

Well eventually we lived on the islands long  enough that the mystery started to unravel somewhat. On the islands many people don’t have watches. They very rarely know the exact time. But they always know the 5 calls to prayer (at dawn, when the sun is at its highest, in the afternoon, at dusk and at night). The time of the 5 calls to prayer change slightly throughout the year as the day shortens and lengthens.

Kids at homeschool

So the first piece of the mystery was that events usually happened after one of the prayers. The people would go to pray and then afterward they’d head to the event. For men, they went to prayer dressed up for their event, so men’s events usually started right after prayer. Women usually got ready for the event after the call to prayer so women’s events started later.

So if we get an invitation on the island with an afternoon start time— then we’d look up the time of the afternoon call to prayer and adjust based upon whether it is a men’s or women’s event. So island punctuality isn’t second nature to us, but we have a little more confidence that we won’t be completely early or late anymore.

I’ve had the watch for a couple weeks…. I  forget to put it on a lot.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We were blessed to have different opportunities to connect with old friends and new families. It is always great to get chances to share about our lives and work on the islands.  We also feel blessed to be present during some critical moments in the lives of friends and family— like birthdays, loss and new birth. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
It was a bad week for Megan’s back. She has an appointment with a specialist this coming week. Pray for that appointment and for how things proceed.from that.  Pray for our friends in the islands.  We miss them and continue to pray for their lives and families to be transformed. Pray for the ongoing plans to continue the work on Clove Island.

Plumbing

Our boys supervising the leak catching

We find that staying in the States draws our minds to a lot of comparison.  How does ordinary life in America compare to ordinary life on Clove Island.  But what about when life isn’t ordinary?  We had one of those moments this past week.  It started out ordinarily enough.  A Monday night, Tom was watching football, and the kids were getting ready for bed.  One was taking a bath upstairs when all of a sudden water started pouring out of a light fixture in the ceiling!  A waterfall of water falling right down into the living room!

We jumped into action: Trash cans went under the waterfall.  Towels hit the floor (thankfully the waterfall wasn’t over any furniture) Water got turned off.  We ran upstairs and ordered our daughter out of the tub and started draining it as fast as we could.  Meanwhile the boys, not aware of the serious nature of the situation, were trying to splash around in the waterfall.

Just about then Megan suggested we call my brother who lives down the road, and my first reaction was, “Why would I do that?  What is he going to do?”  Megan came back with, “Well on Clove Island, we would call our neighbors.”  So I called him up and he came over, and it was nice to have another person there.  My brothers is no more a plumber than I am, but it was still good to have someone to discuss things with.  Knowing enough that we should drill a whole in the ceiling, we did a quick google search to boost our confidence, and put a few small holes up there and watched the water continue to drain out.  After a bit more discussion, my brother headed home.

The kids with the huge drying fans

In the following days I called the plumber and the insurance company.  Now it all feels a little bit out of my hands as the gears of a large insurance machine starts turning and taking care of the problem.  This includes opening up the ceiling, running big noisy fans and dehumidifiers to dry out the beams.  Meanwhile while I sit back and watch and reflect on how a similar situation would have played out on Clove Island.

If we had had a serious leak like that on Clove Island, we would have called on our neighbors without question or delay.  It wouldn’t have mattered what time it was, we would have called them over to help.  Very possibly one of our neighbors might have been an amateur plumber and started taking care of the problem right then and there.  If none of them was a plumber, they may well have known a plumber close by who would come and help take care of it.  A small crowd would have formed outside our house as neighbors shared the excitement to others. A handful to a dozen people would probably come into the house to help look at the problem.  Once the problem was under control or even fixed, excitement would die down and people would slowly trickle back to their homes. 

The beginning of soccer careers

If there was water damage, no one would much care unless it was structural and even then, they might not do much.  If it was only cosmetic, it’s very doubtful they would do anything.  Besides, everything is made of cement and I’m not sure dehumidifiers work very well in the island climate—it’s kind of like trying to dehumidify a sauna…

It strikes me that the way this emergency plays out speaks to a major difference between island life and American life.  Where we are in America, I’m expected to take care of this on my own or call on the more impersonal forces like the insurance company.  The work is done relatively quickly, thoroughly and very well, and no one has to know about the embarrassing incident at our home unless I choose to tell them.  On the islands, emergencies are community events.  The community will help and solve the problem, possibly not thoroughly or even very well, but there will be lots of relational time.  All the neighbors in the house giving advice, offering sympathy, maybe telling their own story of woe, running around to find a plumber or diagnose the problem, all of that helps us build friendships.  We would know our neighbors better because of a leaky ceiling.  So there it is, independent, quiet and orderly, or communal, conversational and a bit untidy.  Which would you choose?

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We’re thankful that the plumbing crisis wasn’t worse! We’re thankful for all the people we are getting opportunities to share with about the islands.  It’s been wonderful to reconnect with our friend on the North Shore and up in Maine.  It’s exciting to hear about the things God is doing in their lives, too!  The kids have been doing great considering all the travel and commuting we’ve been doing this month.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve heard from some fellow workers on the islands that they are under increased scrutiny. A group of people is publicly opposing them and talking about taking it to the president. They are not worried for their safety but the possibility that it could become difficult to renew visas. Pray for favor on all sides and for even this incident to increase their opportunities to share with islanders.  Meeting kids their age is a lot of fun for our kids, but it seems like they make a new friend only to find out that we’re leaving and won’t get to see them again for a long time.  Pray that they could be thankful for these friendships and not lose their willingness to make new ones. Pray for Megan’s back as we look into getting her doctor’s appointments to explore treatment options.

Keeping in Touch

One of the people on our call list

Tom’s phone is ringing again. It only rings twice and then stops. Someone just “beeped” him. On the islands, people only pay to make a call, not to receive. So if you want to talk to someone but can’t afford to call them or think they can afford it easier than you can, you “beep” them. Basically you call them but hang up before they can pick up.

If someone beeps you once, you might think they just called you by accident. If someone beeps you twice, then the message is clear— they want you to call them.

“He’s beeped me 4 times today. I guess he really needs to talk to me.” Tom makes the call only to discover this island friend has nothing specific to say. He just wanted to say hello and a long hello at that. “Why was it so urgent to use my credit for that?” we used to ask ourselves.

Introducing son to watching American football

But then this same scenario played out so many times that we began to understand it, we would refer it as a “maintaining the relationship” call. It is just a call to keep in touch, letting the person know that you still value their relationship (even if you haven’t seen them in person for awhile).

We began to realize that to many islanders this was very important. Sometimes our phone would ring and the number would be listed as “unknown”. This usually means it is an international call. We’d pick up and be pleasantly surprised to hear the voice of an island friend who had left to study abroad. Nothing to say in particular— just to say hello.

So now it’s our turn. Have we learned this cultural lesson or not? Here we are, far away from our island friends. This is our chance to let them know that our relationship with them is important to us. So we put money on our Skype account and started to call. We called all our good friends and each time we were greeted by loud and happy exclamations— “It’s you! I’m so happy. I’m so very happy you called!”

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had some great calls to our island friends. We learned that the island women had a retreat with several women in attendance— this is so encouraging to hear! We learned that the English teachers we helped to train have opened an English center on the island. It is exciting to know that things continue in our absence. We had some great opportunities to connect with people from our old Northshore home. We look forward to even more in the coming weeks. We’re thankful that our youngest is feeling better after having a stomach bug midweek.

Little girl (on left) who had accident

PRAYERS REQUESTED
One thing we learned from our phone calls was that one of our island neighbors (a young girl of around 6 yrs) had a serious accident and was evacuated to the neighboring island for medical treatment. Please pray for her quick recovery, we assured the family that we would be praying for her. Last month there was a survey trip of the other side of our island for a possible medical team— pray for guidance and wisdom as decisions are made concerning that team. Pray that God would be preparing the future teammates for our team. We’re housesitting for Tom’s parents right now while they are in Europe. Tonight water started to pour from the ceiling. Pray that we could find a good plumber!

Where is here? Where is home?

Tom & kids in Maine

“How long since you’ve been here?”
“When are you leaving here?”
“When are you coming back?”

These are very common questions we’ve heard these past few weeks. But we always hesitate, not sure how to answer. “Where is here?” We’re not confused about where we are in the moment, but we’re not sure what the person means. Which “here” do they mean? Here-here, or here as in the city, or the state, or the coast, or here as in America?

“I wanna go home!”, our 4 year old whines. Again, we are confused. Does he mean where we are sleeping today? Or the place we were staying last week? Or maybe he means Grandma & Grandpa’s house? Or does he mean the islands?

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

This is the confusion that come with lots of travel but it is also inherent in our lives of living between two cultures. People on the islands will use the word “haho”, which literally means “your place”. Among islanders it means your home, where you live, but when they talk to us they could be talking about our home on the islands or America— our home country. We end up having to ask for clarification (“you mean our home here or America?”) or we just guess what they mean— but sometimes we guess wrong. 

For our kids there is an actual term for this dynamic. They are TCKs (Third Culture Kids), children who live in a country other than their parents’ home culture. Our kids join the ranks of the children of diplomats, military personnel and other overseas workers. TCKs often feel caught between their two cultures— never fully belonging to either. In Africa, our kids are often seen as foreigners. In the US, they are often seen as the weird kids from Africa. They can end up always feeling like outsiders.

It is perhaps more accentuated for our kids but we feel it too. We’ve been away for so long that some of our thoughts, behavior patterns, inclinations aren’t the same. We’ve become like islanders in some ways. But we aren’t completely islanders. We’re still very much American. Someone once told us that the goal was to become an 150% person— 75% each culture. We’ll see if we get there at some point. But for now, we focus on who we want to be, who God wants us to be. We try to be fully present wherever we are. We try to remember how each culture does things and to adapt. We try to provide a sense of home and stability for our children. And we ask, “what do you mean by “here”?

Boys getting ready for soccer!

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Since posting about Megan’s back last week she has seen marked improvement!  Thank you for your prayers. We got to reconnect with a bunch of people this past week— including good friends from Maine and our old teammates from the big island. It has been great to talk to people who really understand us and to share with them our current situation. We look forward to being more settled this month and were able to sign-up our kids for some activities.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for TCK’s you know (including our kids!) and the unique challenges they face. The translation project on our island is being re-evaluated. Pray for wisdom as they decide how to proceed. Continue to pray for family groups on the islands that they’d be transformed by good news. We look forward to focusing some time with our home church north of Boston— pray that we have good times reconnecting, sharing and serving among our church family there.