Relationships

Tom w/ Mhodari & wife

As we are nearing the end of our term here (less than two weeks before we leave the islands) we’ve been reflecting on some of our good relationships.  Here’s a number of short anecdotes relating some of our interactions with good friends in the past week:

Ma Imani came to visit us this week.  Ma Imani is our house helper, our sister and our good friend, but since getting pregnant and giving birth prematurely, we’ve see her less regularly. Mostly we’ve been going to visit her when we can.  We were just about to leave the house to make another visit when she showed up at the door with her two children.  Megan held her newborn the whole time while Ma Imani filled us in on all the news.  When you first meet Ma Imani she seems shy, but as we’ve gotten to know her we’ve discovered that in fact she is a talker!  She can talk and talk and talk, and like most talkers she talks quickly.  One story after another flowed out about her sister, her mother, the fellowship group, and other news. For our part we told her of our son’s operation, our preparations to leave, our hunt for a new house, etc. As we sat there taking it all in, we were reminded of just what good friends we are.  We can share things from the heart —joys and sorrows.  She is a good friend.

Mhodari is another good friend.  The way we met was kind of funny.  Almost 4 years ago a colleague from Volcano Island came with me to look for a house. One afternoon he went house hunting on his own and he met Mhodari and they hit it off well.  A week or two later Mhodari met me and acted like we were old friends because, of course, we had met before.  (Actually we hadn’t,. he had met my colleague and mistook me for him.)  But it turned out he was the right person to meet.  Since then, Mhodari started an English program in his town that has grown and grown.  He is an organized, thoughtful, hard-working guy with a dream for English that is exciting to see.  He came over to the house to discuss a few things and while we talked together, I (Tom) reflected on how much I liked this guy.  He has been a great contact and a good friend.  It was also nice to think about how my language has improved over theses years.  There was a time, a few years ago, when a conversation with Mhodari would have been stressful.  Now it was enjoyable

Arongo is a funny one.  He was one of our first English students, but he already spoke English well when we met him.  Arongo is young, high energy, funny, self-confident and smart.  So it was not surprising to us when he was chosen to go to America for a leadership training program.  He left last week, but his goodbyes to the English Club were memorable.  With us, he was all questions as to American life and things to expect (for all his bravado, he had never traveled outside the islands).  But in front of the English Club he was full of sage advice and counsel as to how they too could go to America if they worked hard enough.  He obligingly showed everyone his passport with an American visa, and with the slightest hint of pride explained about e-tickets which are just as good as the actual ticket. (We had briefed him on that moments before.)  Arongo has been friends with most of our team and heard a lot of good news from them.  We are hopeful he will hear more during his sojourn in the States.

Old pic of Megan & Nanasi

Nanasi is one of those people we would not have chosen to be friends with.  She chose us.  Large, loud, and shameless she pushed her way into our home and got to know us pretty early on.  She offered to cook mataba for us (a delicious dish made with casava leaves and coconut.)  We took her up on it, only later to learn that it was her daughter doing all the cooking.  That same hard working daughter later became an excellent house helper for our teammates and us!  When Nanasi comes over we can expect big smiles, lots of complaining, gossip and crass stories, and sometimes requests for money, as well as opportunities to share truth. But sometimes it feels like she’s just using us. Still we’ve grown to love her.  It turns out this past week that she has given us the best lead yet on a new house to rent.  Will this lead to more chances to share our hearts with her and her daughter?  Time will tell.

Ma Riziki and her clan have been our poor, noisy, uncouth, irreligious friends from the start.  Every morning we say hello as we open the door and her grandkids come up nearly every afternoon to play with toys on our porch.  With all our packing, we’ve come across a whole lot of things to give away.  A whole table full to be exact.  We took Ma Riziki in one night to show her and told her she could take whatever she wanted.  She took it all.  Every single thing.  Now we see her grandkids running around in our kids old clothes.  I’m sure she’ll ask for more…

These are our neighbors and our friends.  Most of them are poor and lost in a world of self-preservation and greed.  Yet they are our friends.  We will miss them during our months in the States.  We will pray for them.  We hope you will too.

Our kids decorating cookies

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for all the different relationships we have with islanders— we have been well accepted by so many. We’ve seen several houses this past week— one in particular has us excited as a good possibility but we haven’t seen the landlord yet. We are thankful to know there are options! We’ve been making steady progress on packing up our house— it is always a bigger job than we think. Tom’s good friend Sterehi’s youngest daughter touched a live wire this week— she could have died but thankfully she seems to be recovering well and the bad burn on her hand is healing.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
This weekend, we are supposed to meet with the landlord of the house which we’re excited about renting. Pray that if this is the right house for us that the price would be right and that all the arrangements would be settled easily. We’ve learned that we will not be able to store our stuff in our current house— this will making our transition off the islands a little more difficult (especially since we are set to leave right around the biggest holiday of the year). Pray that the storage of our things would come together without too much trouble as well as the moving of our stuff to the storage location. The month of fasting is continuing— keep praying! Next weekend will be the night of power (when islanders believe they have God’s ear in a special way— pray for all the islanders truly seeking God at this time).

Why Fast?

Our good friend visits with newborn

There are two popular questions for us this month. First is the question we’re asked: “Are you fasting?” This question is asked by everyone— complete strangers passing us on the street will ask. It is an obvious source of curiosity— will a foreigner living on the islands observe this special month’s ritual?

A “yes” will tell them that we are following their faith. A “no” will tell them that we are faithless. So our short answer is usually, “We do fast, but not like y’all do.” This obviously begs more questions— how is our fasting different? If we do fast, when do we fast?

This was especially challenging when we first came to Africa because in reality we rarely fasted. Were we being disingenuous by saying “we do fast”.  We could perhaps justify our response by thinking the “we” referred to our grander tradition which we were trying to represent. Even if we didn’t fast regularly, it was part of our tradition’s established disciplines. But then if it is part of our tradition, why isn’t it part of our personal traditions?

My first real exposure to fasting was in junior high when we had a fundraiser fast to raise money for the poor and malnourished. But otherwise, I didn’t have anyone encouraging me to fast or explaining its purpose outside the fundraiser idea. I read about it— back in the first century it is referred to as a weekly practice. In college I did a few fasts for specific purposes. Then in graduate school I had a professor who made fasting a regular part of their year with extended long fasts. Still it wasn’t until being on the islands for awhile that we experimented with making fasting a regular, even weekly discipline.

But all this leads to the second popular question. “Why do you fast?” This is Tom’s favorite question for islanders during this month. Islanders don’t usually ask this question, perhaps because the answer to them is obvious. “It’s an obligation.” They tell us. “We have to.” “God told us to.” We recognize these answers, but push again— “but why? What is the purpose?” Islanders aren’t sure. They know, “We get points [toward heaven] if we do,” but they aren’t clear if that is the “right” answer to this question for their tradition.

Our kids finish the homeschool year!

Many people in our tradition might struggle to answer this same question, but we realize how important it is. When we say, “we fast but not like y’all do.” The islander automatically thinks it is about the hours of the day, or how many days, or which month of the year. They assume that our fasting just follows a different set of legalistic rules. But there are no rules, there is no obligation. Our fasting isn’t about that, or at least it isn’t supposed to be. The heart and the motivation is the important thing. Islanders usually focus on the “who”, “what”, “when”, “where”, “how”, but those aren’t really important to us— for us the “why” makes all the difference.

There isn’t necessarily one “right” answer to the “why” question either— maybe you fast to heighten your prayers, or as you seek guidance or seek the truth, or as you repent, or as a way to see the status of your heart, but ultimately the “why” points to a relationship with our Creator. We need to be reminded that we don’t follow rules, we follow God.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We’ve had some encouraging visits this week. First our group’s country leader spent a couple days with us reflecting on our time on Clove Island (these past 3+ years) and looking to the future. It was a good time and we are excited about where the work on the islands is heading. Next we had a visit from our island sister who was being pressured and ostracized by her family. Her father has reconciled with her and she is hopeful that he will speak to the more distant family members (who started the trouble). Finally Ma Imani came to visit and told us her sister has expressed interest in studying with her again. These are answers to some longstanding requests. Keep praying! Our kids finished their year of homeschool (2nd grade & Kindergarten). We’re thankful for the ways they are learning!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Continue to pray with us during this month of fasting. Pray for all the opportunities during this month— especially for our islander friends. Continue to pray for our house hunt— now that homeschool is done, we plan to spend more of our days trying to find a house for when we return in 2017. Pray also that we’d find housing in the Boston area for the fall/winter (if you know of a housesitting or subleasing possibility then let us know!). We have less than 3 weeks before we leave—pray that we use our time well.

The Month of Fasting

Greeted home with lots of welcome signs!

It's started again.  One month of every year on the islands, everything changes.  The music stops, the restaurants close, schools take a holiday and work days become short, and everyone fasts.  No other time so clearly contrasts the differences between our world views.

There is a sense in which it feels like we are stepping back in time, as if we are living in the Middle East two thousand years ago.  As if we were entering the pages of the holy books and walking around with the disciples of old.  The Pharisees walk around town teaching their ways.  They go by a different name here, but they look and act similarly.  They wear long white robes and turbans with a staff in their hand.  A long, bushy beard and a callous mark on their forehead show everyone their faithfulness and devotion, and this month they are listened to, because everyone wants to be like them, because this is the month where you might find favor with God.  This is the month his mercy and blessing might flow down.  This is the month you might find forgiveness.

You cannot swim during this month. For water could enter your mouth, nose and ears and so break your fast.  You cannot weep, for the tears from your eyes would somehow break your fast as well.  Any day your fast is broken must be redone at a later date.  But if you keep your fast and pray, your prayers are worth ten-fold this month.  And if you pray on a certain night, your prayers are worth 10,000 days of prayer.  Which speaks to the heart of the matter.  Prayers are done to find favor, to receive points.  "To receive points?" I ask them, "like some sort of game?" Understandably, they balk at the word “game”, but they don’t correct me.

Our sons check for ripe tomatoes

Far more often they chastise me.  "You aren't fasting like us? Why not?  You can't do it, can you? You're not strong enough."  It doesn't matter that I do not follow the same path.  “You live on the island so you should conform,” they think, “plus you might even earn your salvation.”

It can be both frustrating and heart breaking to see them striving so hard to conform to all these outward rules.  But there is also hope.  This month, more than any other, islanders seek the face of God.  There are those who long for more than points.  There are those who want more than favor. Who want a new heart and atonement for sin.  Who long for true redemption and a new life.  Those who can see beyond outward rules and who look to fill that hole in their heart with the love of God. 

For this reason it is a privilege to be here during this time.  Everyone wants to talk about these things this month, so it is an opportunity to shine the light of a different path, to give hope and bring to good news. 

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our family is together again!  Megan and our youngest son have returned and we are so happy to be back together.  We are so happy to see our youngest doing so well after the surgery. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
You can see how this month is especially in need of prayer.  Will you commit to praying with us every day during this very special month? We have a prayer guide we would love to send you to guide your prayers for the islands. Email us for details.  Our time here is winding down.  We will leave the island in less than a month! There is still much to do.  Please pray for our housing, both here and in the States, we do not know where we will be living in the months ahead.  We trust the Lord to provide but still desire to have these things finalized.We are meeting with our country leader this week to debrief the last few years and look ahead to our return next year— pray for a good time of reflection and planning together.

Here and There

 Tom and Megan are in different countries right now. Megan took their youngest to Kenya for surgery and Tom is still on the islands with their oldest two.
TOM:
It's funny how low islander expectations are when it comes to men taking care of their family.  This week as I've told people about being on our own without Megan, I've had many mention my hardship.  But with the exception of missing my love, the day-to-day living hasn't been that bad.  Of course we do have a house helper who comes and washes clothes and sweeps floors which is a great help, but most people seemed surprised that I can cook anything, men and women.  The number of times someone has asked me this question this week is almost comical. "You know how to cook?" They ask skeptically.  "Yes," I reply, "I learned to cook when I was single." I said this at first thinking it was a good explanation, but then I remembered that this still didn't really make sense to them.  Men are so helpless when it comes to cooking that single men are expected to just go around and eat at the homes of relatives or friends.  A man cooking for himself??? For his family??? Simply amazing!  (It also helps when your wife gives you a week's list of recipes and detailed instruction of what to do.)

MEGAN:
I’ve always known that one of the great value of having two parents is the ability to tag team. But I thought this was more important with multiple kids. Since I was traveling with just one kid, I didn’t think it would matter…I was wrong. Every line, every errand, every detour, I would have to bring my son with me.  Boy, did I wish Tom were around for…

Our youngest- day before surgery

Traveling…Leaving Daddy and his older two siblings behind was a little traumatic, so there was no way our son was going to let Mommy out of his sight. So every suggestion of “why don’t you just wait and play over there, while Mommy does this” was promptly rejected. He would hug onto my legs for every line. There was no one to wait with the bags while I go to the bathroom or pop in the shop. No, kid and bags go everywhere I go.

The day of waiting…I knew there was going to be a fair amount of stuff to do to get our son properly registered for his surgery. So we went to the hospital early on Tuesday morning. I expected it would be at least a couple hours. It ended up being an unending bad dream lasting over 5 hours. I always thought I was progressing in the process, getting closer to the end, only to unexpectedly be asked to go someplace else and wait in some other line.  Over 5 hours of dragging my 3.5 yr old with me, trying to sound positive he begs nonstop, “Mama, let’s get outta here!” 

Waiting through the surgery… I saw my son walk with the surgeon and anesthesiologist toward the OR, they said they’d give him another plastic glove balloon. It was the first time my son had let me out of his sight during our time Kenya. I wasn’t allowed any farther, so I took the opportunity to slip back into the waiting room. Suddenly it felt very lonely and the stress of the preceding days hit me, combined with the current concerns for my son. “Was he right now realizing that I didn’t follow him? Was he asking where I was and feeling abandoned?” All I could do was pray and shed a few tears. I knew there were people around the world praying for my son but all the same,  I was sitting in that room with a bunch of strangers.

Post-surgery…I was sitting in the recovery area of the OR. My son was in my lap moaning and squirming uncomfortably having woken up from the anesthesia. He was whining that he wanted to go home. He had already yanked out his IV and the nurses suggested that perhaps it would be better to discharge him and get him “home” (the motel is just across the street after all). But here’s the thing— there’s no way my son is walking. With my herniated disk, I can’t carry him that far (he’s a big boy now). Plus, they say someone has to go, wait in line at the cashier, pay, and then wait and pick up the post-op prescriptions to complete the discharge process. I can’t carry my struggling son through all of that, even with a healthy back. “Are you alone?!?” they ask, seeing my predicament.

Day of surgery, recovering at motel

Thankfully God provided at every step. Our young son showed an amazing amount of endurance being dragged every which way. And at the last moment, when I needed someone to come to my rescue, God used several current and former island workers to get someone to the hospital who could carry/cuddle our little one while I paid and got him fully discharged. We’re never completely alone.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
God was with us at every difficulty this week! Our son’s surgery went well! There were no complications with the procedure or anesthesia. He went willingly with the doctors into the OR (a small miracle). Megan already sees a difference in his hearing!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our family will still be separated until Thursday. Pray that David’s follow-up visit will go well and that the final logistics and travels back to the islands will go smoothly. We’ve heard that the worker who was medically evacuated last month— is seriously ill. We haven’t gotten a clear picture, but it sounds like she may be dying. Continue to lift her and her husband up. The month of fasting begins this week— please pray for the islands during this critical month. If you want a day by day prayer guide for the islands then send us an email.