Knowing Your History

Back in 1624

How many generations back can you go in your family tree?

I remember being young and being shown a big circular family tree. My great-grandmother’s name was in the middle and the circles went out with each generation. Some sections stopped after a handful of generations but others were filled to the edge of the poster-sized paper, all the way back 11 or 12 generations all the way to passengers on the Mayflower in 1620.

In some cultures people memorize their genealogies back many generations. They take pride in knowing the generations that came before them by heart. Some people may not know all the names but they have old stories that have been passed down generations. Some people may not know their specific family’s heritage but they know the stories of their people or nation. Still others may not have any access to information about their forefathers.

Swabbing the deck of Mayflower II

Most islanders don’t know their island history very well. We’ve asked a group of islanders basic questions about island history and they mostly looked around at each other hoping someone else would know and answer. They hope to do a better job teaching local history in island schools in the future so more islanders can have access to the information.

But sometimes it is hard to know what to do with the information once you have it. History is usually a mixed bag of good and bad stories, things you want to emulate and things you want to forget. I’ve heard it said that we learn about the past so we can stand on the shoulders of those that came before us. I’ve also heard it said that we learn about the past so we don’t repeat old mistakes... and instead can make our own brand-new mistakes.

Our daughter has been learning about early American history and this weekend we took a trip out to Plymouth to the living museum where they have recreated the Plymouth colony at the year 1624. I emailed my grandparents and got the digital version of that old circular family tree. I did some research and came equipped with the names of six of my ancestors who would have been living in Plymouth in 1624. At the museum they have actors role-playing different people and sure enough I got to “meet” three of my ancestors in person! Kind of a weird experience.

Trying on a Pilgrim shirt

We would have found the museum fascinating even without the personal connection. Sometimes going that far back it is hard to feel much personal connection. If you go back a few generations then you still see the personality quirks and recessive genes that you see in yourself and immediate family. Go back 12 or more generations and it is harder to know what exactly you carry from those people long ago. Undoubtedly it would be a mix of good and bad things.  Perhaps the greatest goal in looking into our history is to hold on and value the good while rejecting and repenting of the bad. The same potential lives in us, we just haven’t lived it out yet.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had a fun time learning about history— all the kids really enjoyed it. We were able to talk to our teammate who will be returning to the islands this coming month— it was good to hear how she is doing. The kids finished their fall activities (soccer & gymnastics)- it has really blessed our family that they had the opportunity to do these “normal” kid things.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We have had a urgent call for prayer from the islands. The pressure and scrutiny for our group there continues. Our island leader couldn’t get our group’s normal contract signed and is waiting to talk with the nation’s president. Pray that he and others in our group would have wisdom as they interact with island leadership and that our group might be open and find favor. These proceedings have implications for everyone working on the islands. We are about to head out on another, even longer road trip. Pray for all the final logistics and packing up. It feels like we only just got back from our last road trip. Pray for Megan’s back— setbacks still happen easily and we want to see continued improvement.

Road Trip

Lovely fall colors

We just got back from our first big road trip. Multi-day road trips are a foreign concept on the islands. The islands just aren’t big enough. People will do an island tour, but it only takes a day to go around any of the islands and that’s with multiple stops along the way. Islanders don’t understand how big the US really is—but we usually try to help them understand by telling them that it takes many days to drive across it. Still it is hard for islanders to understand all the kinds of diversity that are encompassed in the States. They’ll ask questions like: “What is the climate like in the US?” “What kind of trees are there in the US?” “What do they eat in the US?” Islanders expect simple answers to these questions because on the island the climate, trees, foods don’t change from place to place. But the US has so many different climates, ecosystems, cultures, customs and foods that there is no way to answer these questions with a single sentence.

We didn’t even leave the Eastern time zone but we were on the road for six days (not counting days spent in one location)— passing through MA, NY, ON, MI, OH, PA, NJ, NY, CT and back to MA. Here are some anecdotes.

 -  America is beautiful in the fall!  Long corridors of amazing fall colors of red, yellow and orange. The powerful rush and splendor of Niagara falls. Rolling hills, rivers and rich farmland. A hidden waterfall off the turnpike in PA.

Getting wet at Niagara Falls

 -  “The kids only need one pair of shoes each!” An optimistic thought as we were packing up the car. Then we stopped by Niagara Falls on our way to the Toronto area. Our son’s shoes were absolutely soaked. He wore Megan’s flip-flops into the restaurant for lunch. In the Toledo area, our other son left his shoes outside overnight while it poured down rain. He had to borrow shoes from our hosts to go out. Then at our next stop our older son went down the slide at a playground right into the large puddle at the bottom. Shoes and pants were soaked again. Next time we’ll pack two sets of shoes.

 -  “Did we lock the car last night?” We were parked in our friends’ driveway in suburban Canada sandwiched between multiple other cars. In the morning, Tom found the driver’s door slightly ajar. “Megan must have left it open.” Megan went in later and noticed the contents of the glove compartment were scattered around the front seat. “Tom must have been looking for something.” Eventually we talked to each other and realized that someone had been in our car in the night. Apparently it is a common occurrence in the neighborhood— people go around and check doors and see what they can grab. We are thankful for God’s provision because whoever was in our car didn’t take our cell phone or our passports or anything from the mostly full trunk. They took some of the kids’ car snacks and some of the basic medication from the first aid kit.

Stopping for picnic lunch off the highway

 -  “When friends leave my throat hurts,” said our 4 year old former teammate after we left. It was great to say hello and reconnect with so many people, though it was sad to say goodbye again. Our older son said, “My favorite part was staying at all the different people’s houses!” Our younger sons first question on entering a house was, “Where are the toys?”

 -  Learning is fun! Besides doing some homeschool in the car, we were treated to a day at the historic Sauder Village in western OH and the interactive science museum, Imagination Station in Toledo! The kids helped construct a handmade broom. Tom rode a bike on a wire over a 50 ft drop. We made structures to withstand earthquakes. The kids churned butter. We sat in a wigwam. Go learning!

We’ll have to save some of our road trip photos to help explain to islanders about the complex and diverse place that is the US.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our road trip went really well. We didn’t have to drive through hardly any traffic and no bad weather. We were really happy with how the kids did and with all our interactions with old and new friends. Tom’s birthday was today! We’re so thankful to have him, our loving, wise and caring husband and father. Megan’s back seemed to do well on the trip— it didn’t get any worse and we may be even seeing the beginning signs of improvement.

Back in time for Tom's BD

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Our former teammates’ 1.5 year old broke her arm while we visited on our road trip. Pray for her quick healing. Several of the people we visited are in the midst of different types of transitions— pray for wise decision-making and smooth transitions all around. We have a 1 week respite before we head out for another even longer road trip. Pray that we’d get good rest this week. Megan goes back to the physical therapist tomorrow— pray that she would see even more dramatic improvement in the coming days. Our teammate will be returning to Clove Island in about a month— pray for all the plans and preparations related to her return.

We Don't Agree

The search for fall color--red

“Ahhh!” our son screams in frustration, “I did not!” He is on the brink of hitting his sister. She has said something that he believes is false. I intervene before it gets ugly. His sister leaves and I try to convince him to settle down and let it go. This is a silly thing to get so upset about. But something about the injustice or disrespect related to this falsehood completely infuriates him. A simple disagreement had become a battle.

We often are in contact with people we don’t agree with. Sometimes it is superficial disagreement, more a matter of style or personality or culture. Sometimes we get along really well with a person at the style/personality/culture level but have foundational differences in core beliefs, values, goals.

Going to the islands there are so many ways that we differ from islanders. Difference is not always a source of disagreement. Someone does something differently and perhaps I think their way is equally valid and good. No disagreement. Islanders eat with their hands a lot of the time and while it takes some getting used to— I now feel like eating with hands is just as good if not better in many situations.

But as soon as I feel that my way is actually the better way, we have disagreement. Islanders often don’t supervise their children. Many island children are allowed to eat all the junk food they can get and go to sleep whenever they want. I’ve lived on the islands a long time but I’m still feel my way of parenting is better. I disagree.

Every source of disagreement is a potential battle, but we don’t have to fight every battle. I could confront my neighbors and lecture them about parenting choices, but ultimately that is not the battle I want to fight or a battle that would be very effective. Instead I try to model a different way and only step in if I feel like a child is in danger.

Yellow!

Parenting is a way that we disagree with islanders, but a more interesting question for us is, where do islanders disagree with us? Islanders don’t have much exposure to other cultures and are pretty ethnocentric (a natural tendency). They believe that their way is the best way or even the only good way. So whether it is how you cut a tomato or how you hold a baby or when you go to the market, islanders often have strong opinions and they will fight you on it. They will tell you to your face that your way is wrong and tell you to change.

Sometimes battles end with people agreeing to disagree or just avoiding the topic in the future. Other times it ends with someone changing their way of thinking or behavior. But whenever there is a battle of ideas or wills, there are always risks. Risks that it could end with a damaged relationship, with a loss of trust or a loss of respect. Now we obviously hope that any disagreement we have will end well and we work hard to maintain trust and respect in disagreement but relationships are two-way streets and there is only so much we can control.

Battles also take energy, which is a limited resource. So ultimately we want to be careful about picking our battles. Islanders are often willing to fight battles with us that we don’t care much about. But we do have other areas of disagreement that we care about very much. Do we really want the battles to be about food or clothes or something superficial? Do we want something that we don’t care about to risk distancing us from islanders? The answer is no. If islanders want to have a full out battle with us, we’d like it to be about something that matters. Because we don’t really want islanders to dress like us or eat like us or cook like us. We don’t care if they hold babies the way we do or go to the market at the same time. If we are going to be catalysts for change, we want it to be about deeper issues, issues of the heart, faith and truth.

So on the islands we choose to live like islanders in many ways— not always because we think it is the best way.  In certain ways we intentionally choose to live differently.  Where we stand out as different we want it to be for the right reasons, for the issues that we actually care about. If we have a disagreement about something and there is a possibility of changing an islander’s thinking, we’d like it to be about something that matters.

First leaf pile of the season

Being back in the States we see how much we take for granted here because we feel so comfortable in our home culture, but really, we should apply the same scrutiny to our lives here as on the islands.  There are just as many differences and disagreements to have with people here as there.  Shouldn’t we be just as intentional here as we are there?  With so much to disagree about, don’t we want to expend our energy on what really matters?  Do we ask ourselves, “Is this really what I want to be arguing about? Is this battle worth it? What are the things really worth talking about? In the end, what really matters?

PRAYERS ANSWERED
One of the sisters on the islands had a baby girl this past week. We were praying for this pregnancy and rejoice with them. She went to another island to have the baby so we pray that she will be reunited with her husband soon. Megan’s left leg showed improved strength on her follow-up visit so she was cleared to begin PT. She has had two sessions already and we are thankful that she is already noticing some improvement. Even though she may have continued pain in the coming weeks, she is thankful to have stretches and exercises to do to relieve the pain.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We leave tomorrow morning on our roadtrip. Pray for safety on the road and that Megan’s back and the kids will do well. (Megan will spend most of the trip fully reclined with the kids playing with her hair!) We will be meeting with a prospective teammate, old teammates, old friends and one large supporting body on the trip. Pray for good interactions all around.

Tale of Two MRI's

Cookie Making Fun!

“Megan, are you doing okay?,” a concerned voice asks, “This next one is going to be about 8 minutes.” They had checked on me several times before explaining the process and asking if I was okay, not to mention the questions before it all began. Did I want to slow down the pace as we walked to the room? Was my position okay? Was I comfortable? Did I want to listen to music? (There was a selection of over a hundred XM radio options.) There was a cushion and pillow for my head. Here was a panic button in case I got too nervous. Here is how I could peek out if I got claustrophobic.

I was actually very comfortable. I had already been prescribed 4 different meds that had lessened the pain. I was lying in my own comfy clothes, listening to the whirs, beeps and thuds of the MRI machine.

In contrast was my previous MRI. I hadn’t been prescribed anything. I was very much alone and exposed, standing in nothing but a thin hospital gown. The male technician led me to the simple table, silently put me in position and with only the briefest explanation that it would be loud, told me I was not to move for 15-20 minutes. I entered the machine, he left and I didn’t hear from anyone until he came back in after it was all over.

I’ve been living with a “bad back” for a number of years now. I’ve had a large herniated disc with sciatic pain down my left leg, including at times numbness and weakness on my left side. For the most part it has been under control for the past couple years but recently I’ve had a relapse into pain and weakness. But one thing is different, I’m in America this time.  All my other medical experiences with my back were in Africa. Now most people will assume I am just grateful to be in America this time around and while it is mostly a positive thing there are downsides.

First I have to admit that having a back problem on the islands doesn’t have any positives. There are no specialists, there is no advanced imaging, there are no physical therapists. Most people with serious back issues on the islands are suffering and hoping to get the money together to seek medical care off the islands.

Lost 2nd tooth!

That’s what I did. I went the French island for a doctor’s appointment and a day later an MRI. Eventually I ended up in South Africa meeting with a neurosurgeon and a month of physical therapy.  Here in the States I had a primary care visit, a week later a visit with a specialist, and then more than a week later the MRI.

Two continents, two different ways of handling medical care. And two main differences have stood out to me this time around. First, Americans must like comfort. I was caught off guard by how much people seemed to worry about whether I was comfortable. I don’t think islanders associate medical care with comfort. It’s nice but not an expectation. The other difference was the speed and price. In both situations I knew I needed an MRI. In Africa it was fast and relatively cheap. I had to pay up-front but the cost was less than 1/4 of a good American price and my insurance reimbursed me. In the States, it took over 2 weeks from my initial appointment, not to mention multiple calls to the specialist, our insurance and the MRI scheduling to make sure all the right approvals were in place and we’re still not sure how much we’ll ultimately have to pay.

So there you go, different places do things differently.  It’s a common theme of our blogs.  But is it more than just interesting?  Does it make any difference?  Is there something to be learned from these differences? We think there are.  That’s why we write about them.  We hope you do, too.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Megan finally got her MRI! The leaves are changing and it is beautiful— we love fall (one of the things we miss in Africa)! The planning for our two big roadtrips are coming together! Our kids continue to do well even with all the new people and running around we are doing.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We’ve heard from several people on the islands that the increased scrutiny continues. Pray for them as they continue to speak in truth and love in these times. Continue to pray for the translation projects on the islands. One of our island friends lost a son- pray for their family in this time of loss and grief. Pray for us as Megan has her follow-up with the spine specialist— for healing and an end to the pain.

Honor, Shame, Apples & Mangoes

Fair time in New England

One of the things we love to do when we are here in America is help to people make a connection between life there and life here.  Many people seem surprised to realize that they have something to learn from a small island halfway across the world, but we feel great satisfaction when we see those “ah-ha” moments happen.

This week we had the opportunity to share with some people about a way of seeing the world that is very different than most Americans are used to but is prevalent in many parts of the world, including the islands. This is a strong sense of honor and shame.  Traditionally here in America we tend to see things in terms of right and wrong.  On Clove Island, people think about things in terms of what brings honor and what brings shame.  This difference of understanding can have huge consequences in everything from visiting a friend to international politics!  It means that both important and everyday-life situations can play out in different ways.

We asked the group to imagine what a society looks like where the ultimate good is honor and the ultimate bad is shame.  Then we shared with them some of the ways it plays out on the islands.  Here’s a few of our “favorites”:
Islanders don’t say direct “no” to requests or ideas. To give an outright “no” would shame the person asking the question.  Instead they will have subtle or round about ways to hint/suggest that it won’t work out.
Islanders love the giving of certificates in ceremonies, even if the certificates themselves have no real value.  Certificates are a tangible sign of something honorable (even if the honor is very slight.)
Cheating and lying are only bad if you get caught.
Islanders will use money for outward things like nice clothes, a new phone or a TV, even when they may not enough money for food.
An island family will fight to defend their family member even if they know that family member is wrong or guilty.
An island family will go into horrible debt in order to pull off a big public celebration for a wedding or funeral.
Now this doesn’t mean that Islanders don’t have a sense of right and wrong, it’s just that they have a much stronger sense of honor and shame. In the same way we Americans still feel honor or shame but it doesn’t have the same impact on us (although in some circles this is changing).

Apple time in New England

Now you may be looking at the title of this blog and saying,”okay, honor and shame, I get it, but what do apples and mangoes have to do with this?”  The funny thing about the way we see the world is that we have a tendency to think our way is best, and that others who don’t understand would really appreciate our way as the best way if they were just exposed to it.  Well, that got me to thinking about apples and mangoes.  You see, we just went apple picking today and the apples were so abundant.  This is the time of year when you can go to the supermarket and pick up a sack of apples for next to nothing.  Apples, they are plentiful and delicious.  They come in lots of different varieties.  Can you get a better fruit than apples?

On the islands, apples are small, imported, expensive things.  But mangoes—why when mangoes are in season, they are cheap and delicious.  You can buy a bushel for next to nothing.  If you’re passing a tree and grab one down, you are welcome.  Mangoes are plentiful and delicious.  They come in all sorts of varieties.  Can you get a better fruit than a mango?

You see, it all depends on your context.  The truth is, mangoes are delicious on the islands and apples are delicious in America.  You can take one to the other place but it just doesn’t taste the same.  Well what’s true for fruit can be true for other things.  Honor and shame does not speak to us here in the USA the way it does in the islands.  And good old right and wrong thinking doesn’t hit home on the islands like it does here.  Do we have something to learn from one another?  Try a juicy island mango or a crisp New England apple fresh off the tree at the height of the season and you’ll agree.  The answer is, “yes!”

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for thoughtful friends and acquaintances that are willing to listen to us and interact with concepts/ideas from the islands. We are excited by how God is moving here with people catching a vision for change in their communities.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Megan’s appointment with a specialist didn’t end with anything conclusive— she needs an MRI to really figure out what is going on. Pray that the authorization from insurance will process quickly so she can get her MRI. Pray for healing and relief from the pain down her leg— right now she only has relief when she lies flat on her back. Continue to pray for the work on the islands— for changed lives, families and communities.