Island Thanksgiving

Men chopping up the cow

(Photos courtesy of teammate)
This week was a big island holiday, and to tell you the truth it felt a lot like Thanksgiving.  Well, not exactly Thanksgiving, but maybe you’ll see the parallels as we tell you about it.

This is a day to be with your family, and just like back in the States, that means some people have to travel.  The day before the holiday traffic was horrible.  The large taxi buses that take people to the different corners of the island were filled to overflowing with more people asking to get on, usually with sacks of food and bags to be loaded onto the top of the van.  The taxi buses stop and load their passengers right in the middle of the road, causing constant traffic jams (though no one seems to concerned).

The day begins at the first light of dawn when men gather to slaughter cows.  Beef (like turkey for us) is a big part of the holiday.  In no time at all they butcher the cow and distribute its parts (nothing is wasted).  Soon after that, the women take over.  This day is about cooking and feasting.  They start cooking in the morning and often eat throughout the day leading up to the big meal.  This is a time to enjoy your family.  The women cook and talk and the men eat and play card games or dominoes.

Holiday family photo

The big meal happens at dusk. This year we were invited by a friend to join his family for the feast.  Our friend has a large house with a large veranda on which they had spread two expansive mats.  As dinner approached, we watched the women bring out platter after platter of food until there was enough food for an army.  While this happened, more and more family and friends arrived at the house.  By the time we sat down on the mats to eat there were more than 30 people there with others still coming, and yet we barely made a dent.  There was meat (of course) in various meat dishes, fried bananas, cassava, sweet potatoes, salad, all sorts of tortilla like breads, an egg dish, soup, a sort of porridge called “ubu”, and fresh juice.  After dinner came dessert: a flan spiced with island spices, and another dish called “turtle eggs” which was a sweet sort of tapioca type custard with large balls of cake mixed in.  After all this they brought out a huge bowl of fruit salad.  The conversation was enjoyable, a mix of Island language, French, and English and everyone seemed happy and full by the end. We had a great time.

But it was missing any deeper meaning. The holiday does have a religious significance for islanders but not one that connects at all to the feast and apparently not one that adds any special activities to the day. This holiday seems like an excellent opportunity for transformation.  It’s a wonderful holiday, with good values.  Could it be more?  Could it be transformed and enriched with meaning by brothers and sisters? 

Holiday spread

In many ways we are still in early stages here on Clove Island, and such exciting transformations are still a future hope.  But we wait expectantly for that day to come, and in the meantime, we will look forward to Island Thanksgiving next year!


PRAYERS ANSWERED
We are thankful for the good time we were able to spend with Islanders over the holiday, and continue to be thankful for all the different and growing relationships we and our teammates are forming with Islanders.  Our team continues to do well and our team days are full of good fellowship, learning, challenging and prayer.  We are so thankful for our team. Tom’s eye is better, and lice seem to be a thing of the past (we’re still combing with the lice comb just to be safe.) 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray with us about the future.  We want to see these islands transformed and not in just one area of life but all areas.  This would be really good news!  Pray for our relationships with Islanders, that they would deepen and grow.  Please continue to pray for Megan’s back.

Hard to Love

An Island Woman

Not everyone is easy to love, but we know that we are called to love everyone-- the unlovable, the tiresome, even our enemies.

We have been struggling to love someone. She’s an older woman who first came to our house months ago, before our team arrived. Her clothes are unkempt.  One of her flip-flops is falling apart and she is usually dirty.  Her disposition is no better--a scowl on her face and her eyes seem tired and mean.  It would be one thing to meet someone like this on the street.  Beggars, though not abundant, are present on the islands and their ways are prescribed by society.   Beggars don’t usually come to your house on the islands. On the street, or in the market you might be approached by someone (but even then it is pretty rare and usually only people with visual handicaps).  Moreover, Islanders don’t ask strangers for money (unless they are handicapped beggars). Everyone has a network of friends and family to help them when they have need. So we were startled the first time the old woman came for a visit.  She just walked straight into our house and started begging for money.  This was a woman with no obvious handicap, in her right mind and in our house, demanding money.   How rude!  She’s breaking all the culture’s norms and she thinks she can get away with it because we’re foreigners.

Megan & Grace at an event

Annoyed, we tried to do the polite thing and gave her a little money. When you give a gift to an islander (even a beggar), they will take it, thank you and leave (even if it is less than they wanted). They never ask for more.  That would be seen as very rude.  The old woman did not leave. Instead she scowled and complained about how little we gave her.  Then she told us that we should give her more money and settled onto our couch like she would wait until we did.  We did not.  I’m not sure how she eventually left that first time, but it was a struggle.

We hoped that she wouldn’t be a regular visitor but unfortunately a few weeks later, she was back--ordering us to give her money for a taxi to go back to her home on the other side of the island.  We pointed out that we don’t know her.  Plus she must have gotten the money to come here.  Moreover, she must have friends and people who know her--she should ask them. (That is to say, she should do the culturally appropriate thing.)   “No, you are my only friends,” she tells us. “That’s a lie,” I say in a good-natured tone--well maybe not so good-natured.  “The islands are a beautiful place. Everyone has friends and they help each other.” I say, rather exasperated.  “That’s true,” she admits, “but give me money to buy something to eat.” That time, we ended up giving her some rice and eventually she saw that that was all she was going to get and she reluctantly left.

Grace at event

We started a strategy of giving her a little less each time, so as not to encourage this culturally-inappropriate relationship. But then she started bringing fruit to sell. We liked this situation better. We are more comfortable buying from her than continuing with handouts. The fruit doesn’t look very good, the price is high and we don’t really want it, but we buy some anyways. But she complains about how much we buy, insisting that we buy her whole bag and she continues to tell us to give her money. She also demands that we give her food. I try to be firm and tell her that we bought from her to be nice but now she should go, but she never leaves easily. The only time she left without too much struggle was when another islander was at our house (another sign that she is being culturally inappropriate).

We’re trying to be kind. We’re trying to at least not be rude and not to turn her away empty-handed, but every time she pushes and pushes and pushes for more (no matter what we give her). Every time we try to be generous and kind, but she complains and asks for something else. Again and again she pushes us to annoyance and frustration.

We knew we were failing in our goal of loving her when Grace came to us the other day and said with an impatient tone, “That really annoying lady is here again.” Oh no, if Grace is calling her annoying it’s because she sees annoyance (and not love) coming from us.

David at beach

If only she were content when we bought things from her. If only she left after receiving something from us. If only she were more polite. If only she didn’t barge into our house. If only she came less frequently. If only she didn’t blatantly lie to us. If only she at least followed the cultural norms of her own people. We could keep going with the “if only’s” and feed our annoyance but ultimately we can’t change her. We can only change our reaction to her. We can choose to try and love her and we can pray for the patience and the wisdom to do so.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Grace and David’s tummy troubles are all gone. We haven’t seen a louse in a many days! There was a meeting of some island brothers who were in the midst of conflict and we hear that there was confession, repentance and forgiveness among the parties. This is a huge answer to prayer- pray that it is real reconciliation and caring for one another coming out of this. As a team we continue to have opportunities to share with islanders. 


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray that we would abound in love and patience with everyone. Tom’s eyelid is infected- pray for a quick recovery. Continue to pray for Megan’s back, steady improvement or miraculous healing. A teammate had a dramatic run-in with a woman (who appears to be a spirit medium) in his neighborhood-- pray for him and his family in the aftermath and that it would be an opportunity for the whole community to see truth in action.

Farther Afield

Town on other side of island

We live on a small island.  It’s total area is 164 sq miles.  That’s a fraction of the size of Rhode Island.  Yet, because of bad roads, and difficult public transportation, it can feel much bigger.  It’s very possible to live in our capital city region and never have reason or need to go beyond it.  Work keeps us busy.  We have all that we need.  Being in the capital, people come to us.  So generally there are few reasons to go out to them.

Once in awhile, however, an opportunity arises for us to take a trip out of town.  It happened this past week.  An English teacher who comes to our English club lives and works in a town over an hour away, and he was very persistent in asking me to come visit.  So this past Wednesday, my teammate Jeremy and I made our way to his town.

Bright and early we went to catch the taxi bus.  Public transport means climbing into a 14 seater van and packing it with at least 18 people, and depending on the driver as much as 20.  Crammed and hot, we then bumped over roads that in places have crumbled to nothing, making the going quite slow.  But our island is beautiful and as we climbed the mountain pass to drive down to our destination, we had some nice views of the island.

Another view of town

Our host met us in the center of town and took us on motorcycles (helmets for drivers only)  to the various schools where he teaches English.  We had many nice interactions with students along the way, but when we came to the public high school they brought us into the headmaster’s office.  I steeled myself as I saw the headmaster, principals, and teachers file into the main office to have a chat.  This is very possibly my least favorite part of the job.

“How can you help us?” is nearly always the first question out of the headmaster’s mouth.  It’s not a new question.  The scenario repeats itself nearly every place we visit.  I told him I was only here to look and learn today.  I told him about some of the things our group does.  I explained that we don’t offer much in line of materials or financial support.  We are volunteers.  We teach.  We donate our time, our wisdom, a few resources we’ve developed and ourselves. This is how we help.  After some unsatisfied looks the second inevitable question arose:

“Could you come once a week and teach here?”  Again I go into explanations.  “We don’t teach in the schools because we don’t want to take the jobs of Island teachers.  We do training sessions, we can come once in awhile to encourage, but in the end, your town is much too far for us to come on a regular basis.” 

The third foreseeable question arrives: “Our town is a big place.  Why can’t someone come and live here and teach?”

How do I tell them that I would like nothing more?… that I would love to have a whole team of people living and working in their town?...that I do think they are important and worthy?... that I do hope to see our work extend to every region of the island and for people to learn from us?  How do I explain to them how encouraging it is to know that they want us to come and would accept us with open arms?

Cool spider pic- he's as big as Tom's hand

The problem is workers.  We need more workers.  And so, I can only hope and pray that some day more volunteers like us will come to this town.  People willing to sacrifice their life back home and share their life with people here, to help and inspire them with a bright hope for their life and the lives of their families.  “We need more workers,”  I say, “Maybe some day they will come.”

They nod their heads and respond as all islanders do when talking about the future, “God willing…”  God willing.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The lice problem in our house seems to be under control and on its way out.  We are thankful for a special lice comb that arrived in the mail!  Our plans for Megan’s back problem and our time away seem to be coming together nicely.  We are glad for the details and logistics to come together so easily.  Electricity has been improving.  We were even able to have a fun night as a team watching a movie together!  We continue to be so thankful for our team and how we get along.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Grace and David are having tummy troubles.  David has been dealing with it for a week now.  Pray that he would be healed.  Keep praying for Megan’s back.  The more improvement we see over the next two months, the less likely she will need surgery.  Pray for more workers.  Pray that more people would feel a call to the islands, and that we could see work started in towns like the one we visited this week.  As a team we continue to have great conversations with islanders.  Pray that these conversations would lead to real understanding and real transformation. Pray for the island body here- divisions and mistrust continue.

Mothers

Our beautiful birthday girl (6 yrs old)

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and mothers are special.  But on the islands mothers are really special.  As you may or may not know our islands are rather unique because they are a matrilineal society.  That is to say historically wealth and lands have been passed down through the generations from mothers to daughters and not fathers to sons.  There are very few matrilineal societies in the world.  We learned recently that this type of society probably developed because of the slave trade.  Men were often kidnapped, sold to slavers, and delivered to slave holders in the Middle East and later the Americas, never to return to their families.   It was the women who were left behind to tend the farm, and raise the children and hold the family together.

When you talk to islanders about their families, you quickly learn that mothers hold a very special place.  Fathers are sometimes loved and respected, but they are also often absent or their attention is divided between their different wives and families.  Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers, all hold their place, but their first loyalty, their greatest bond is to their mother.  Many times islanders will say that they can trust no one except their mother.  And one of the worst things you can do is bring shame to your mother. If you had to choose between your wife and your mother, there is no question--your mother comes first.

Our Family on birthday hike (David was at home)

We see it too.  Just across our street we interact with a family that is held together by mothers.  They are a poor family.  Men seem to come and go, and though it is hard to know who the husbands are, someone is always pregnant.  Children are a constant and holding it all together are the matriarchs.  There are three of them.  The one we know the best has had 12 children. She is already a great grandmother (her eldest granddaughter and her eldest daughter both gave birth this year).  Her children provide for her: some are farmers, some are fisherman, some are businessmen or women, but they all bring some of their profits back home and the family benefits.

Grace on a hanging vine

**********

In the search for a different way of life, it is hard to make change happen all alone.  In our time on the islands we’ve seen, for the most part, men with this desire for change.  They may have changed and wish for others to have the same change of heart, but they are often no match for the pressures of the society around them.  They hold little power.  They may hold power within the world of business or politics, but they hold little to no sway within their own family.  The result has been a number of changed individuals from different places and different families.  These isolated individuals don’t function as a transforming community.  Generally, they don’t know one another and don’t trust one another.  They are generally ineffective at transmitting the ideas of change to others.  Though they may wish to see great change, they lack real influence with others.  They desire community transformation, but they function as isolated islands.

Now imagine if a matriarch were to seek change.  What would it look like?  It would be like a shockwave.  The ripples of a changed life would impact every member of her widespread family.  The community of trust and relationship and visiting would be there, ready made, within the family.  Transformation could happen as a unit.  Generations would be affected.  No one would be left untouched. 

Peter having fun on the hike.

Many times one person can be the key to unlock a door that leads to great change.  On the islands, I am convinced women--mothers--are the key.  And yet, they are also the most resistant.  God bless all mothers this weekend.  We ask especially for the mothers of this island.  May they seek change and be transformed.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Amy and Holly came to visit us this past week.  We had a great time with them.  Grace had a fantastic birthday.  We explored a waterfall together as part of her birthday and Grace was our leader.  We are so thankful for our brave 6 year old.  It seems like the electricity situation is improving.  We are quite thankful for it!  We’re booking flights to go to South Africa in July to get medical treatment for Megan’s back-- if her back continues to improve over the next two months then she probably won’t need surgery. Pray with us for that. Grace & Peter’s tummies are feeling much better this week. Our pregnant teammate is feeling better too!


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Continue to pray for changed hearts and lives on the islands. Pray that we could know how to be better catalyst’s for change. Continue to pray for Baki and his wife to have a child. David & Megan are a little under the weather- pray for quick recoveries.

Glimpses into Pain

Local Island Artwork

Baki is one of the landlords (as team leaders we pay the rent on all the team houses).  I don’t see him very often, mostly when it’s time to pay the rent, but he is a friendly guy.  He has a big smile, a friendly face and a deep resonant voice.  He lived in Tanzania for a time, so he speaks some English with an East African accent and he likes to try to use it when he’s with me, although we often switch into French or the local language.  He seems like a responsible man.  He has a good job and appears to take care of his family and not to be frivolous with his money.

This week Baki came by to get the rent.  We often take care of business and then sit and talk for awhile.  We were complaining about the problem of electricity (as you know if you’ve been following our blog electricity is a big problem these days).  When suddenly he changed the subject.  Maybe it was caused by the sight of our three kids running around the house but his face became downcast and he spoke more softly,

“My wife and I.  We have a problem.  We don’t have any babies.”

My first thought was to think, “Why is he sharing this with me? I don’t know him all that well.”  But here he was sharing with me some of his suffering.  I asked him how long they had been married.  Four years.  I asked if they had been to any doctors.

Peter & Grace

“Yes,” he said, “here and on [the neighboring island].  We’ve been to Island doctors too.”
(I suspect when he mentioned an Island doctor he was talking about a witch doctor.) “But they haven’t told us anything. It’s very hard.”

It is very hard.  For anyone in this situation, whether on the Islands or in the States.  It’s always hard.  But it’s also different for Islanders.  I’ve been here long enough to know that part of his troubles have to do with the decision he is weighing in his mind.

“People are telling me to take another wife.”  He finally said.
“Yes,” I said. “That’s what people do here.  For us it is not an option.  We stay with our wife.  Would your wife like you to take another wife?” I asked, maybe a bit prematurely.
“No.  She does not want this.  They never want this.”
I think he loves his wife.  That is why he is hurting over the decision.  He does not want to hurt her.  But his society, his religion, probably his own family is telling him to take a new woman.  How long will he be able to stand against that?  One day a beautiful face will turn his head, and suddenly that loyalty which his conscious is telling him to have to his wife will be drowned out by the temptations and traditions of life and culture.  What hope does he have?  How much longer will he wait?  What hope is there for his wife?

“When I have a big problem I pray,”  I told him.  I asked if I could pray for him and his wife.  He agreed.  I asked if I could pray right now.  He agreed.  I asked if I could pray in the name of the One I always pray to.  He refused.  I told him, the one I follow is able to heal.  He gave sight to the blind, made the deaf hear and gave babies to mothers, but he was not comfortable with me praying.  So I told him, I will not pray now, but I will pray.  He thanked me and shortly after that, left.

David w/ his favorite toy

Baki seems like a guy who has it all together.  Good job, good wife, handsome, respected. He gives all the appearance of not needing much help. Yet, inside he is hurting.  I wonder, how many others are hurting?  Why did he share his pain with me?  I don’t know why he shared with me.  Maybe he doesn’t know either.   But now I know it and I am praying.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
From our last blog... Sterehi came back and renewed the book, he wanted to read it more. Amy (our old teammate on Volcano Island) is coming for a visit to Clove Island- we are very excited to have her! Our team has finished their first 6 months!! We continue to be blessed by the mixture of experiences, talents and perspectives that our team brings to our work here. We are very thankful for each one of them. 


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Please pray with us for Baki and his wife. Pray that his wife might get pregnant and that even if she doesn’t he might go against tradition. Grace turns 6 this week- pray for a good time celebrating and for an end of lice and sickness (she stayed home sick most of this week). Pray for our kids-- they have been having fevers and tummy troubles this week. Pray for our pregnant teammate who has recently come down with a fever- pray for her and the baby. Pray for the continuing electricity crisis on the island. Pray for our teammates as they move into their official jobs on the island (not just studying the local language)- that they would make a smooth transition and continue to learn the local language.