Funeral and Weddings

Tom and Sterehi

An acquaintance of mine died suddenly this past week.  He was the uncle and father figure of my good friend, Sterehi.  So this week I attended the funeral.  It was my first one on Clove Island.  It seems that funerals happen in 3 parts.  It begins at the home, mourning with the body.  This is usually only the family and close friends.  Sterehi should probably have been there, but he explained to me that his uncle’s wife and he had had a falling out and hadn’t spoken to one another in 7 years.  So rather than mourning the uncle he loved dearly with the family we waited at the place of prayer for the second part of the ceremony.  This is the gathering place for everyone else: friends, acquaintances, colleagues, etc.

There were at least 500 men there.  All of them in the traditional long, flowing, white or yellow robes, and wearing the traditional hats of yellow or green.  I saw many people I knew.  We stood around talking as we waited for the body to come.

“There are many people here.  He was an important man,” one of my English students explained to me, “He was a Big Shit.”
“I think you mean, ‘Big Shot.’ I corrected.

Finally the body came, in a simple coffin draped with a black and gold cloth.  Men formed two long lines from the street to the place of prayer and the coffin was shuffled hand over hand inside.  The men then lined up to pray.  I stood close by watching.  After some short prayers the coffin was brought out again, this time being carried by six men.   The entire gathering filed behind them and we walked down the main road, stopping traffic completely until we reached the burial site for the final part of the ceremony.  There we waited again as the body was buried (only those close to the family entered the cemetery).  A short time after that it was over and everyone made their way home.

The whole affair struck me for its sense of resignation.  I saw no tears.  The men seemed untouched, not greatly concerned.  Death comes, it’s part of life and these are the obligations that must be observed.

Tom (with Peter) in traditional wedding dress

Obligations also have to be fulfilled at weddings and I also went to a number of wedding ceremonies these past couple weeks.  For one of these “all men” events I took Peter along.  At this event, men wear the same traditional clothes they wear to funerals, (traditional hats & robes) but then they accessorize.  Some of them wear sports coats, others wear long flowing robes of all colors, some keep long scarves of red and green and gold.  A few exchange the traditional hat for a turban or a fez and many carry brightly metallic ornamental canes.  These are used for dancing.  As I watched the proceedings I was struck by the mix of drudgery and joy.  There are long prays said in a language foreign to them, and then there are the various long-winded speeches.  It’s quite common to see heads nod and eyes close throughout the crowd.  But the speeches and prayers are broken up with dancing.  It’s clear that not everyone likes to dance, but most seem to enjoy and look forward to it.

The basic dance is a simple sort of swaying back and forth.  But certain groups get more involved, turning and spinning, flourishing their ornamental canes like swords, flipping their scarves just so, and singing along with visible enjoyment.  This seems to make everyone smile and is the highlight of the event.  But even with these moments of joy and celebration, there is a sense of obligation that brings people to them.

Thanks for praying for David's burn!

We’ve heard people complain about the number of weddings that they “have” to go to. It is part of being in the community- they are obligated. We’re still learning the ropes of which events we “have” to go to and which are optional, but we see in people’s faces that they appreciate us being there. It makes us part of their community and strengthens our connections with them. These are some of the big events that shape islanders’ lives, weddings and funerals-- and we’re honored that they want us standing beside them as they go through them.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
David continues to recover from his burn quickly and well.  We are so happy to see the great progress he has made. The specialists tell us that we can expect it to heal with minimal scarring and without needing specialized treatment. We are very thankful.  All of our teammates have arrived back on the islands, some have had an easier time of it than others, but all are reconnecting with friends and we’ve already heard lots of encouraging stories--we’ve even heard that one of our lady friends has become our sister!  We are full of joy with this wonderful news.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Megan’s back continues to do well as she keeps doing her exercises.  Continue to pray for healing.  Peter isn’t feeling well today.  Pray for his quick recovery.  After continued problems with the lack of water at their house our single ladies have agreed to start looking for a new place to live.  Pray that we would be led to a great new house for them and that much good might come from the whole process of looking for a new place.  We’ve also heard news that another American family may soon be moving to our island.  We are excited to have a new family with a boy Peter’s age. Pray for their transition to island life-- they could move here within the month!

Accidents, Difficulties, Miracles and Thanks

Old neighbors from Volcano Island come to visit

It was last Friday.  We’d just come in from all our travels and after the hot baths of Joburg we decided to warm up some water to add to the bath.  We’ve probably done this a hundred times before, which might explain why I wasn’t really thinking about it as I brought the kettle full of boiling water into the bathroom.  Peter had already climbed in the bath and David was waiting by the edge of the tub.

“You need to get out of the bath, Peter.  This water is really hot.”

Peter went to obey and jumped out of the bath, grabbing onto me as he did so and jostling the kettle.  A large dollop of water came out and landed right on David.  It was an awful moment.  David started to scream, Megan appeared seconds later.  We put cold water on the burn, but we could see the skin peeling already.  One moment of carelessness…

Great having Grandma & Grandpa

The problem with one moment of carelessness here is that everything is more complicated.  Life is simply more complicated, and although sometimes those complications can be frustrating or even endearing, sometimes it makes things much more difficult.  The medical care being so unreliable here, we rarely think to take anyone to the hospital.  Our experience with island hospitals is substandard care and a greater risk of infections. No emergency room means, we have to be the emergency room.

Thankful, my parents were here.  While they watched Grace and Peter, we turned to caring for David.  We opened the first aid kit, and the trusty Where There is No Doctor book, which has been our guide many times in medical emergencies, reminding us of first-aid basics and more.  We followed the directions and did first-aid and thankfully David was soon asleep.

Wedding Season: Peter & Tom head to event!

But burns are no simple thing.  Caring for a deep burn is complicated.  We needed help and wisdom.  After some prayer and putting Peter and Grace to bed, we started to look to our support network--all of you!  We started emailing, asking for prayer and also asking advice from the doctors and nurses we knew who could give us their expertise, experience and wisdom.

Now comes the good part in all this: seeing help and provision come through.  Over the next few days we would be in touch with 6 doctors and 3 nurses, some of these referrals of referrals, but all willing and able to help us know what to to and how to care for David.  When we needed certain supplies and the pharmacies didn’t have it friends provided.  (In some cases the pharmacies had hard to get medications that we did not expect!)

Best of all we asked people to pray for the burns to heal.  “White is bad, pray for pink.”  And over the last few days we’ve seen the patches of white grow smaller and smaller and pink healthy skin peeking through.  It’s a wonderful sight and a miracle, because 3 days after the burn there was a lot of white, but now it is mostly pink.


PRAYERS ANSWERED

Grace starts 1st grade in homeschool!

We have much to be thankful for: the technology that allows us to consult with doctors and send them high quality photos from great distances.  The electricity that was particularly good the night of the accident.  Tom’s parents being around to help.  Finding all the first-aid supplies we’ve needed.  David’s undaunted attitude.  No infection.  The love and support we’ve felt during this trying time.  And especially the ongoing healing of David’s burn.
We don’t want to forget to be thankful for a great visit with Tom’s parents and for great improvements in Megan’s back.  The PT and the prayers have been working great and she is seeing marked improvement.  Oh, and we managed to get our luggage home too!
Tom had a wonderful and long conversation with a young man today who is seeking truth.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Ongoing and complete healing for David’s burns.  Continued wisdom for us to treat the wound effectively and well.  This whole incident has taken up most of our thoughts and energy this past week and in the meantime our team has been returning, we have a new unit of learning to begin and English classes to start teaching.  In short, we have a busy schedule ahead and we’re already feeling drained.  Pray for a miraculous recharge.  We’ve only been back a week but we’ve already had many visits and conversations with islanders that remind us of our reasons for working here.  Pray that those who seek will find! 

Rough Welcome

Approaching Clove Island on the plane

We have only been back on the islands for a handful of days. In many ways it is nice to be back: back in our own home, back reconnecting with old friends, showing Tom’s parents our life here.

But it hasn’t been an easy few days. And it is easy to start to focus on the negatives and allow it to get us down.

The travel into the islands went fine, but it started with boarding a plane at midnight in South Africa with three little kids (not an easy time of day). The flight was shorter than normal (good winds) which meant less sleep than expected before we landed in Kenya. So we got to the islands tired with three tired kids.

Grace & Grandma arriving on Clove Island

None of our bags made it. It took well over an hour for Tom to do the paperwork for the missing luggage because almost everyone was missing bags and islanders kept cutting in front of him. He was literally the last passenger to be processed. Meanwhile lunch time has passed-- now we were tired and hungry with three tired and hungry kids.

The next day we were able to check that day’s flight from Kenya for our luggage before our flight to Clove Island. But again, no luggage. Plus, they would not forward our luggage to Clove Island, we would have to come back to claim it. Tom’s parents would have to spend their entire visit with us without their luggage.

That evening someone called to say that all our baggage had just arrived on the big island (hours after we left). That night Megan was sick and stayed up most of the night with an upset stomach. The call to prayer seems especially loud outside our bedroom window at dawn.

Then the following evening, something truly terrible happened. Tom was bringing a kettle with boiling water to the bathroom (to take the edge off the cold bathwater for the kids). Peter jumped unexpectedly and head-butted the kettle, splashing the water out of the kettle onto David who was standing nearby. David was badly burned. We slept with him between us, taking turns all night making sure he didn’t scratch the dressings off his burn.

Burned & Bandaged David says "cheese"

The next morning with some good medical advice, we went to the best pharmacies on island for supplies, only to be told again and again that they didn’t have the things we wanted or even anything remotely like it.

At moments it has been enough to make us want to leave the islands and try again. But it hasn’t been all bad, we have seen grace and blessings interspersed. The first flight was hard but the Kenya airport had a lounge with comfy armchairs for people with small kids, a most welcomed and rare luxury at that airport. The kids would add also that they got to eat M&M’s at the airport. The time on the big island was frustrating but we also had some great moments reconnecting with our old teammates over a good meal.  The luggage didn’t come, but we were able to get by just fine without them. David’s burns break our heart but we were able to get medical advice quickly and he slept well that first night and hasn’t been in too much pain.

The island doesn’t have a lot of supplies that we need but friends came over and gave us the supplies that the pharmacies lacked.

We might see lots of attacks- bad things happening, but God is moving here and already in these few days we have had the chance to pray boldly for the sick and have people asking questions that really matter.

Grandpa, Tom & island friend

So, are we glad to be back? In spite of a rough welcome, yes, we are glad to be back where God has called us.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We made it safely back to the islands. Megan’s back has done well considering all the travel and stress. Tom’s parents and the kids were troopers through all the travel and difficulties. We are thankful for the outpouring of prayers for David and for the fact that he hasn’t been as much pain as we feared. We thank God that one young man read faithfully the Book that we left with him.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Please continue to pray for David. Pray especially that his burn would not get infected (everything tends to get infected on the islands). Pray for quick healing and that we would be able to keep the area clean. Continue to pray for Megan’s back as she tries to fit her PT routines into island life. Pray for the rest of Tom’s parents visit (they leave on Thurs). Pray that we figure out how to get our luggage to Clove Island! Pray for our teammates as they travel back to the islands from vacation that hopefully their time won’t be as rough as ours.

Simple Pleasures

Megan & happy David (2 yrs!)

Pointing out a flying bird.
Throwing a ball. 
Smacking bubbles out of the air.
Patting a dog.
Driving a toy car off an edge.
Finding bottle cap on the ground.
Eating dry cereal.
Running into a hug.

These are the joys of David, our 2 year old birthday boy.  At the same time that we see him finding pleasure in simple things, we also see his desires becoming more complex.  The problem is, he doesn’t have the language yet to express those complex desires.  He cries and points, and we guess, “Is this what you want?  This?  That?”  The trial and error method is not very effective, but what can we do?  Sometimes, it seems like he says “no” to absolutely everything and we conclude that maybe he simply doesn’t know what he wants.

David & bubbles on birthday

Thinking about the joy David takes in simple things makes us think about our own desires.  Being away from the islands, we have our own list of simple pleasures that can’t be found on the islands:

a hot shower
ice cream
cheese
chocolate
bacon
one-stop shopping
fast internet
But of course, we have plenty of complex desires too.  We want love and purpose, fulfillment in our work, effectiveness.  We have big hopes and dreams for the islands, and for all our friends and brothers and sisters there.  And sometimes we get so frustrated with ourselves and others, or just feel a general malaise, or even start to feel down without a clear reason.  Maybe, at those times, we’re wanting something but can’t put our finger on what we want or how to make it happen. Or maybe it is just out of our control.

“Let the little children come to me, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

I imagine this teaching could be applied on many levels, but one of them I believe has to do with our desires.  We want so many things.  Our desires get more and more complex, but only one thing is needed.  Are we willing to simplify our desires? To come to the one who knows our hearts, who understands our desires and needs, and has shown Himself faithful?

Our family on David's BD in South Africa

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We’ve had a lot of fun with Tom’s parents seeing a few sites in Joburg and just enjoying each other’s company.  We’ve been able to get most of the things done we wanted to do. David turned 2 years old! He is our healthy, happy little boy and we are very thankful for him. 

PRAYERS REQUESTED
We head back to Clove Island with Tom’s parents on Tuesday.  Traveling with Megan’s back and the kids is always tough, but this is made tougher by starting with a red-eye.  Also, we plan to take the boat from Volcano Island to Clove Island-which isn’t always smooth sailing.  Please pray for safe and easy travels.  Tom’s parents will have about a week with us on Clove Island.  Pray that their visit goes well.  It’s always a bit tough adjusting back to island life, so pray that we will be able to get back into things quickly.  Please pray for Megan’s back to be healed.  The PT brings pain and it’s sometimes hard to know what pain is necessary.

Mommy's Back

Our kids on a pony cart ride

“Remember Mommy’s back!” This phrase is repeatedly called out to my three children as they try to jump on me, pull on me or ask me to pick them up. “Mommy’s back” has been the looming kill-joy for well over a year.

We realized that I most likely had a herniated disc in the middle of 2013 (after six months of witnessing my back problems spiral into serious sciatic pain down my left leg). But many of the do’s and don’ts for a herniated disc are somewhat unrealistic in our setting. We live on an island with poor medical care-- there are no scans, no specialists, no physical therapy. We live a life where water and electricity cuts are common. We live in a place where daily life is harder.

There are things we can control, but it has meant the whole family pulling together to take care of “Mommy’s back”. Tom has stepped up and taken on all the tasks that I’m not supposed to be doing. Plus the kids have been educated about helping Mommy out...We’ve drilled into their heads:  “Be careful.” “Watch out for Mommy.” “Don’t be so rough.” “She can’t do that.” “Remember Mommy’s back!”

Now they can’t even remember me being fit and healthy. My kids think of me as weak and broken (things that in my pride, I try to avoid). So beyond any physical pain, it has been humbling.  But as I read the Word, we see again and again the ideas of perseverance and endurance.

This highlights my failure. I see the pain wear away at my patience and energy. In pain, I am less easy-going and less forgiving. I am impatient and testy. I cannot persevere on my own. In my own strength I fail. In my own strength, I am not the mother that I want to be. I am not the mother that God calls me to be. God does not call me to be a strong tower. He is that. In fact, it is good and healthy for my kids to realize that I need to rely on the One stronger than me.

It is not all about me. In my weakness, my kids get a chance to serve me. “Dear Jesus, please help Mommy’s back and just make it all better!,” Peter prays with an unselfish earnestness that melts your heart. “Let’s read the book over here, it’s better for your back,” they tell me. “I picked those up for you Mommy, so you wouldn’t have to bend over,” Grace lets me know.

Grandpa & Grandma made it!

Through everything God has been faithful. When we were desperate, I showed improvement. When we didn’t know what to do next, He made it clear. When we prayed that I wouldn’t need surgery, I began to improve. He brought friends and relations with sound advice and medical connections. He has given us everything we need to persevere, to endure, to abide in hope and in joy.


PRAYERS ANSWERED
Thankful for an amazing husband & father (Tom) who picks up the slack with Megan’s bad back.  Uncle Matt made it safely back to the States, and Tom’s parents have arrived safely.  The kids are having a great time with their grandparents who never seem to tire of running around with them, or reading them stories, or teaching them something new.  Our island friends celebrated a big holiday this past week.  Though we were not with them, we were able to send lots of text messages and even made some phone calls.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Megan’s back- she continues with the physical therapy with exercises to do every 2 hours through the day.  Pray for healing. Pray for our teammates as they finish up their training program this week and go off for two weeks of deserved vacation.  Pray that we would be able to find a nice balance this week between enjoying a family visit, doing some fun outings, Megan’s back getting rest, getting work done, and doing the shopping we need to do before returning to the islands.