Another Wife

Tom and our boys

We walked into the yard of Mama Kotsi. She was on the top of the list of people we needed to visit while we were on Volcano Island (before moving to Clove). She had lived with her two kids and husband in the other unit of our same house for our first year on the islands. Her eldest son used to crawl over and play with our daughter. We’re good friends.

She gave us big smiles and a warm greeting as she introduced us to her children. She has four little ones now! The youngest is only 2 months old. We went through the standard questions, catching up after a long absence. When we asked about Papa Kotsi, her smile went away. “We’ve broken up,” she tells me (Megan). “He took another wife on Clove Island.” Her displeasure is apparent. She goes on to tell me that her father (who had health problems) was so bothered by the news that Papa Kotsi had taken another wife that he died. When we told her where we would live on Clove Island, she added, “Oh, you’ll probably see Papa Kotsi, his other wife lives in that neighborhood.” 

A couple days ago I (Tom) was walking down the street near our new house when I saw someone familiar.  It was Papa Kotsi!  He gave me a big smile and said it was so good to see me and how excited he was to see me here on his island.  He lives here now, he tells me.  “My second wife is here....... This is my real home so I have a wife here.”  He says it like this is an excellent justification, but I see something sheepish in his look, and just the fact that he feels obligated to make the justification says something.  I told him that I saw Mama Kotsi while I was visiting on the old island.  “Yeah,” he says, “She’s still there.”  After some more small talk and excitement that I’m living here on his island he walks off promising to come and visit sometime.

A new culinary adventure- breadfruit chips

Island men can have up to four wives at one time, according to their laws and traditions. Island men will often proudly defend this right and talk about how great it is, even women will defend that it is their tradition. But this is what we observe at the same time. No woman ever wants her husband to take another wife. No father wants his daughter’s husband to take another wife (sometimes they talk about it in wedding negotiations). And when a man has more than one wife, everyone knows it will mean dispute and heartache.

Ma & Ba Fado (our new landlords) both have shops in town and I decided I should go and visit them and find out where they work.  I didn’t have to ask many people before someone was leading me down the narrow streets of old town (the medina) until I came to Ba Fado’s shop.  He was so excited to see me there.  He showed me his shop and then introduced me to the woman working there. “My second wife,”  he said.  I was crest-fallen.  Ma & Ba Fado seem to be such a happy older couple and seem to really care about each other.  After a little while Ba Fado walked me over to Ma Fado’s shop.  On the way without me pressing him, he explained the situation with a nervous chuckle.  “That was an accident,” he said, “so I had to marry her.”  Which I assume meant he was having an affair with the other woman and she got pregnant.  “Oh, Ma Fado was so angry when I told her, but what could I do?”  And so it goes.  Technically, by his traditions, he has done nothing wrong--just taken another wife--but something in the way he says it reveals at least the small amount of guilt he feels.

This isn’t the way it is supposed to be. 

Megan & our daughter with local flowers (a present from a neighbor)

PRAYERS ANSWERED
Our sons are feeling better! Our older son had been sick for more than a week and our youngest had a stomach bug too, but thankfully they both seem to be doing better. We found a school for our daughter! They are going on vacation for two weeks but she will start on April 8th. Our daughter had an island friend over the play today and they had fun! Tom has made plans to have some formal local language lessons-- supposed to start on Monday. The internet has been working well enough for us to video-chat with grandparents this week! 


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Continue to pray for us as we make decisions about how to organize our time. Pray for our language learning that we would be able to learn this dialect well and without mixing it too much with French and the other dialect we already know. (It means a lot to people when we speak THEIR language.) Pray that we can celebrate Holy Week in a meaningful way and share with others about it. Pray for us as we begin to build more relationships with our neighbors that we would have good connections and interactions.