You're Not A Guest!

Food prep

There is more than one way to honor someone. Honor is an important thing on the islands. Especially at big events it is very important that the “important” people get special notice. Being foreigners we are almost always considered “important”. So even though the people of the event might not know us at all, we will be given special seats and a necklace of flowers.

The women often make a big deal of putting the flower necklace over your neck. They dance up to you holding out the necklace and then put it over your head and give you a kiss on each cheek.

Guests are always honored. So when someone comes from abroad and assuming they have had enough warning, islanders will gather the necessary flowers, make a necklace and meet them at the airport. Then again at any and every event, the guests will be singled out with another flower necklace.

Grace in front of wedding presents

As foreigners living here, it has often felt that we are permanent guests. In some ways this is nice. They are honoring us- we should appreciate it. But sometimes we wish we could choose our own seats. Sometimes we wish we could sit in the back and just watch. Sometimes we wish they’d give the flower necklace to someone else. (I just checked and I have 5 dried out flower necklace in my house right now from different events and it isn’t even wedding season!)

This past week our landlady had her daughter’s wedding. They were only doing the “simple” single-day event but they were doing it big. The groom is from the rich French island and there was pressure to make it sufficiently extravagant for the future in-laws. Plus they had to host over 50 guests from this other island for the days surrounding the wedding. Weeks ahead a time their house was a bustle of activity. We were busy ourselves so I hadn’t been downstairs for more than brief greetings.

“I haven’t seen you!” my landlady complained. She had seen me, but this was my cue to come and visit, so I went downstairs once the kids were napping. They were preparing one of the snacks that would be given to the guests. I sat and watched for awhile. Then my landlady came and started peeling ginger root and told me to get a knife and help. I stayed for awhile and watched a collection of friends and neighbors come by. They came for varying amounts of time but if they were physically able they would do some work before they left, even just a token amount. Now I was keyed into what I needed to do-- I needed to show solidarity by coming and working a little each day.

Welcoming party for the guests

Over the week it was clear that some people were more invested than others. Some came for long periods each day. Finally the guests arrived. A table was set, our chairs were borrowed and the guests were being seated for their first meal. Our landlady’s husband called me over, “Please madam, have a seat!” But then a woman who was helping said with a big smile, “No, no, you’re not a guest! You eat with us!” I didn’t have time to eat with anyone at the moment so I made my apologies.

It happened a couple more times over the coming days. “You’re not a guest!” was repeated to me as I was included not as someone special, but as an equal. At first glance it might be seen as a slight, but I recognized it for what it was-- a different type of honor. They were honoring me not by singling out, but by treating me as part of the group-- what greater honor could a foreigner have.

Last night was the grande finale-- the big event. And for the first time in all the weddings I’ve been to on Clove Island, I didn’t receive a flower necklace. I couldn’t be happier.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
It is a blessing to belong. The wedding seemed to go well. It looks like the shortages are over! Different types of meat are back and people are happy again.  Our team is receiving two visitors from Brazil this week!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
The family of our good friend, Ma Imani, is in turmoil. Many of the 6 sisters know the good news. It is a situation pitting family members against each other and now the government and other families are involved. It is a big mess. Megan played mediator to get Ma Imani on talking terms with her mother again and we are praying that Ma Imani can be a reconciler within her family. Pray for healing, understanding and forgiveness throughout the family. Pray for us-- we’ve been very tired lately and can’t seem to find the times to relax and recharge. Tom has an ear infection, pray for healing. Pray that we would get some rest.