Men

Tom and some island men

There are so many things we like about islanders.  They are so friendly, so willing to help, so ready to share with you whatever you have.  Their generosity often puts us to shame.  They are quick to smile and laugh.  They are, for the most part, caring toward their children and include them in life.  They are so welcoming to us and so willing to help us understand their culture and to invite us into their ceremonies and traditions.

But as beautiful as some parts of island culture are, there are other parts that are dark.  Very dark.  And sometimes this darkness will manifest itself and our awareness becomes heightened about a particular problem.  It happened this past week concerning men.

A colleague brought a friend by the house.  He said he was a good guy, and he seemed nice enough, until he started hitting on our good friend and house helper, a married woman.  We have often felt relief at the fact that unlike other parts of the world, men here will not touch or violate a woman walking down the street, in a taxi or other public place. But there is a lot that can be said with body language, and a look in the eye.  A form of dominance and desire that is disturbing and destructive.  I (Tom) saw it happen and ushered the man from the room (almost pulled him) where our friend was working, knowing that tis is something she must deal with on a regular basis.

Island men at an all-men's event

I saw that same look again a week later.  One of our teammates had come to join in a discussion.  A man I see regularly (but not in a context with women) was part of the discussion, but everything about his body language and look revealed that same sort of darkness.

Our single ladies often complain about the daily struggle they face in being approached by island men asking to marry them.  What seems like something unfortunate and kind of funny is actually quite serious.  Often these proposals happen suddenly and without warning, sometimes they are persistent and include lecherous staring and rude behavior.  Imagine how draining and disheartening this is for them--everyday. 

Unprompted, a friend told Megan all about “how men are” here this week.  She told her the story of when, as a middle school student, she couldn’t pay her school fees.  The director said, that it wasn’t a problem and that she should continue to come to school.  She found out that the director would use this as an excuse for girls to be “called to his office.”  She stopped going to school, and this bright woman never had any more schooling.  Think of all the young women who have had to make decisions like this.

In Megan’s English class this week, they were discussing the most important characteristic in a spouse. One woman spoke up and said she wanted a husband who is faithful. All the men in the class burst into laughter. “It doesn’t exist!,” one man explained to me. “Good luck!” was the sarcastic jeer of another male student.

Worst of all, we were told this week that two men have been put in jail.  They took two young girls from the street, a 3-year old and a 7 year old and violated them.  This is considered extremely bad behavior even by island standards.  Yet, no one is sure if these men will be greatly punished.  It all depends on the power of their family versus the family of the victims. Perhaps they will stay in jail a couple weeks.

What is going on with the men in all these stories?  I think they are revealing--acting out their worldview.  Women, to them are something to be caught and used.  They show little respect for them, they care little about their feelings.  They assume that women are looking for their attention and want it.  They believe that as men, it is only natural for them to have such desires and act on them.  Self-control is impossible and women help satisfy burning desires.  They do not understand women, and they don’t try.  They live in separate worlds.  These are roaming men who settle for a time with a woman because marriage is highly valued by both sexes.

But even here, there are men who are different.  Men who love their wives and are faithful.  But they are not the majority.  In fact, I think they are counter-cultural.

Why do we share this with you?  We desire to see families restored.  We believe it is key to seeing islanders and the islands transformed.  And yet, families, as we know them barely exist, and this is one of the major barriers.  The worldview needs to change.

David and a very young island man

PRAYERS ANSWERED
We had a wonderful visit with our bosses.  It was great to be encouraged by them.  They are back safe on the little island.  Our friends and teammates Nate & Liana traveled to South Africa this past week for the birth of their baby.  We are happy that they landed safely and are settling in well.  We are especially thankful for a vehicle that has been loaned to them to get around while they are there.  The first class of Tom’s teacher training program went well.  The teachers seemed to really appreciate the time and are looking forward to the next meeting this week.  Megan has started regular weekly times of studying the book with a good island friend!

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for change!  That light would penetrate the darkness and the darkness would flee.  Pray for self-control and repentance on the part of men here.  Pray for the cultural norms and traditions that perpetuate the darkness to stop.  Pray for the strength, wisdom, and endurance of our single ladies.  Pray for all the women of the islands.  Pray for families.  On another note, though rice and flour have come back to our island, we are now running short on meat: no chicken and beef.  No one is starving here or close to starving, but everyone is complaining that they can’t find the food they are used to having.