Death is Sudden

Special mens funeral event

Our days lately have been very full and busy. Lots of things planned, lots on our to-do lists. We’ve been going to bed later than we want and just barely keeping on top of things.

On Wednesday, we had had a full morning meeting with teammates. With no time to make anything for lunch, we were going to a little shop that makes local-style sandwiches to eat at home. I had been exhausted all morning, eyes heavy-lidded and finding myself yawning all the time. My afternoon plan was to take a quick nap/rest (if the kids let me) and then try to chip away at more of our to-do list. Tom’s afternoon was going to be taken up by another English certificate ceremony.

Fresh haircuts

But then Ma Imani came into our house to tell us that Ma Fado’s brother had just died and that Ma Riziki would go with me to the funeral if I was going. On the islands, people are supposed to be buried the same day that they die, before nightfall. Funerals, like death, are sudden. But funerals also trump any other kind of obligation. Going to a funeral is a reasonable excuse for any absence. Even weddings (very important on the islands) will be canceled or postponed if there is a funeral in the extended family.

Now funerals are usually several hours of women sitting around before the body is taken away for the actual burial. But the burial itself is usually linked with one of the 5 prayer times. Ma Imani confirmed it was set for the afternoon prayer time.

Now came the sensitive moment.. trying to discern how important it was that we both go. We didn’t know the man that died, but his sister is our landlady. Did we both need to go? If only one of us went, which one of us would be most important to be seen at the event? Because a man died, should Tom go? Because our connection to the dead man is through a woman, should I go? We looked to Ma Imani for advice. She quickly said that it was more important for Tom to go.

With a local birthday girl

But then I began to doubt her advice. She had been teasing me earlier for being so tired, was she just saying what she thought I wanted to hear (a common African practice)? So I pushed her again.
“Are you sure I shouldn’t go?”, I asked.
“What can you do? You have little kids and you only just heard about it,” she answered.

Her words were true. It would be difficult to find someone to stay with the kids at such short notice and we had no idea how long we’d be gone. So we decided, Tom would go. I’d stay with the kids and go to one of the later funeral events in the coming days. But then Ma Riziki came by just after we finished our sandwiches. She was going to leave soon. It was important for the close neighbors to be there early. Was I coming?

I told her that Tom was the one going and watched her and Ma Imani’s reactions. Ma Riziki just nodded and went back to her house across the street to get ready and I knew I needed to go too. I turned to Ma Imani again. “I should go.” “Yes, Ma Fado needs to see you both there,” she said, finally giving us the right advice. 

So I quickly got dressed. We found someone to watch the kids and we went, me with the women, Tom with the men.

It wasn’t the afternoon we thought we’d have but death can be sudden and unexpected.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
All our guests and interns made it off the islands safely. We continued to be blessed by them to the end of their time here. We had a chance to look back over the past few months and celebrate all the things that have happened. It was encouraging to see all the amazing things we’ve seen. God is good.

PRAYERS REQUESTED
Some ladies had a bad run-in with some island men. Pray for them as they continue to process that experience and for us as we look to do our part to respond and defend women on the islands from bad treatment. Our team is heading out for some time of vacation. Pray for safe travels and for some restful, rejuvenating time after some busy weeks. Continue to pray for our teammate who has struggled with allergies and other health concerns that she can get extra rest and see a dramatic change in her health.