Honoring

Tom with Sterehi and kids

As a team, we read and discuss things. We’ve been reading a book together that challenges us to see life from a different worldview. Traditionally the west has been dominated by ideas of right and wrong (this isn’t exclusively true anymore, but it is our heritage). While great chunks of the world have been dominated by the ideas of honor and shame. The ideas of seeking/giving honor and avoiding shame are guiding principles for many cultures.

An example from the book:
A father has two sons. He asked them to do some work. One son refuses to his father’s face. Another says he will do it but has no plan to do it.

From our perspective we might say, “Well at least the first one told the truth. The other lied!” But from an honor/shame culture, the second son is a good son. He didn’t want to do the work, but he didn’t shame his father by saying he wouldn’t. The first son is a bad son because he dishonoured his father by refusing his request to his face.

Here’s a recent example from the islands:
The minister of transportation wanted to go to the next island. She had a ticket for the following day, but wasn’t sure, she might want to fly the day before. Last minute she decided she wanted to fly the day earlier. She arrived at the airport an hour late for the flight (for which she didn’t have a ticket). The flight had already left. In her anger, she grounded the entire airline. She wouldn’t let them run any of their flights for the rest of the day throughout the country.

Our western reaction was to be horrified by this abuse of power. We think of all the people that were inconvenienced and how transportation was driven to a standstill because of her selfish reaction. But on the internet our teammate saw some reactions from islanders. Many islanders were horrified that the airline didn’t show appropriate honor for this high-ranking official. In their minds the flight should have been held for her and the minister’s reaction was a deserved response for the airline having brought shame upon her.

This reality has lots of repercussions. We are discussing and thinking about them as a team. But one quick takeaway is that we want to do more to honor people. This is one prevalent way people show love here. Are we appropriately honoring our friends?

Women and kids

Tom has been good friends with Sterehi for a long-time but usually it is just the two of them hanging out and doing things. So we invited Sterehi to come with his wife and his three kids for a meal. We tried to think about what would honor them and put them at ease? We took our cue from how islanders receive guests. We dressed nicely. We had everything prepared for them. We had some cold sodas at the ready to serve them when they arrived. We complimented them and praised their children. We were generous with the food and reluctant to let them leave.  In short,we did the best we knew how to honor our friends.  We hope they appreciated it.  We certainly had a nice time with them.

The next time Tom saw Sterehi he had a big smile on his face, and thanked him again for the dinner.  Showing our friends special honor—for us it feels like a small thing, parts of it feeling unimportant or unnecessary—especially for a real friend.  But here perhaps these small things are more important than we realize.

PRAYERS ANSWERED
The dinner with Sterehi’s family went well. Megan was able to connect with his wife and we are hopeful that this could be the beginning to reaching out more to his whole family (not just him). A few of you were aware that last night an island sister took an illegal boat to the French island the night before last. She is 8.5 months with twins and took 2 other children on this dangerous trip. We were not excited to hear that she decided to make this trip, but we are very thankful to hear that she has arrived there safely.


PRAYERS REQUESTED
Pray for us as we try to understand the ideas of honor and shame in this culture so we can connect better with islanders and explain truth to them better too. We’ve begun our 12 days of concentrated prayer on the island. The team coming to pray with us arrives on our island tomorrow. Pray for safe final travels and for a smooth transition to the time zone and climate of the islands for them. It’s not too late if you want to participate and pray along with us, just send us an email and we’ll send you a guide. A member of Tom’s family has been diagnosed with MS- pray for her and her family as they deal with the new realities this diagnosis represents. An old family friend of Megan’s family has recently died of cancer- we rejoice in her life and legacy. Pray for her family as they grieve.

Last minute update: Three members of the short-term team have been side-lined in Nairobi (one of them came down sick and wasn't allowed to board the final plane). Pray for the logistics of getting them to Clove Island with the rearranging of flights and accomodations that has to happen.